AdWhore AnnFrank BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Motherlode Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Triple Bartenders This Week! Marn, Skim, and Joey! BEERGEAR! Buy This Shit Right Now! (discuss!) Support DLAND ($0.08/day) - Buy a GOLD MEMBERSHIP! Know when 12% Updates! DiaryLand/LiveJournal/XML NewsFeed More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove Me, I was the one out in the parking lot blubbering. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Monday, August 4, 2003 my time at home was, as usual, a mindfuck. in between the "why don't you lose some weight" and "why don't you quit smoking" discussions, my mom and i always like to make a little time for the "why don't you find a nice boy" breakdown session, which results in me agreeing (just to shut her up) and her growing hysterical and proclaiming she'd rather be dead than have a lesbian daughter. Open adwhore's page in a new window view an illustration of adwhore! Monday, August 4, 2003 This is not a life wasted; this is, very clearly, the life of a person having a great time. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Monday, August 4, 2003 Getting smashed and super-obnoxious with my sister Lindy...I'm still not entirely sure what all we did, but on Saturday everyone kept saying that they were surprised we were showing our faces. Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Monday, August 4, 2003 This body, this sack of meat. Sometimes I really wish I could unzip it, toss it aside (pathetic, crumpled and pink), and crawl into a new and improved version. Something with flames painted along the sides, maybe. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Monday, August 4, 2003 Fucking bastard universe with its sick sense of irony. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Monday, August 4, 2003 I think my dad sometimes wants me to cry about stuff to him. That just isn't my way, though. He was REALLY shocked. "All your hopes... all your dreams..." he said. "Ummmm... dad? Are you trying to get me to cry or something?" I asked "Cause, I'm feeling pretty OK about the whole thing." Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Monday, August 4, 2003 That would just leave scars that no amount of therapy could ever hope to cure. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Monday, August 4, 2003 Are there any questions? Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Monday, August 4, 2003 Thank god the liquor store is huge, and fully equipped. It had everything. EVERYTHING. Even Guinness! I could have wept I was so relieved. Thank you, Holy Father Frank; my alcoholism won't fade away after all. Open motherlode's page in a new window view an illustration of motherlode! Monday, August 4, 2003 Maybe it's the drugs talking, but...OK, the drugs aren't talking at all and I've been staring at this screen for the past twenty minutes with my hand down my pants. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Monday, August 4, 2003 I think what brought my grade school mates so close together was a large number of shared experiences. And by shared experiences, I mean a bunch of murders. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Monday, August 4, 2003 Gentlemen of the East Coast: YOU CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF ME. SIMMER DOWN BEFORE I PULL ANOTHER MUSCLE AND YOUR TONGUE GOES DRY FROM ALL THAT DROOLING. That is all. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Sunday, August 3, 2003 My band is also recording our new EP (with a budget and a producer!) so I am going to be really busy. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Sunday, August 3, 2003 It was an enormous zit, the likes of which this world has never seen. To put it in perspective, if it were a vegetable, this pimple would have won a blue ribbon. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Sunday, August 3, 2003 and met two new friends: a cat who, as Justin said, looks like the delicious mixture of Peanutbutter and mustard, and a Big Fucking Spider whom I think we should call "Herchel" because...that is just what I think. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Sunday, August 3, 2003 Oh, isn't that so goddamn, eye-gougingly funny! Someone has jacked my credit card number and is using it to buy shitty satellite porn! HA HA HA. And what's this? Including overdraw charges, my account has lost almost five hundred dollars? Oh, man, ain't life something? Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Sunday, August 3, 2003 I’m drunk on my new Gold membership powers! Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Saturday, August 2, 2003 I sound whiny, and the truth is...I'm scared to death of turning 25. I know it sounds obnoxious, but, uh, I feel like I'm getting too old for how I'm living. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Saturday, August 2, 2003 Pretty damn upset, I'll tell you that. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Saturday, August 2, 2003 So hot. I love me some bad boys, spandex pants and all. Open rudey's page in a new window view an illustration of rudey! Saturday, August 2, 2003 Of course the encore included “Dancing Queen,” which just whipped the crowd into a bat-shit frenzy. I don’t give two filthy kittens who you are or what you look like. All inhibitions just shed like bathrobes when that song comes on. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Friday, August 1, 2003 I have been stuck at eight push-ups forever. Ten push-ups have felt as elusive as a good movie with Madonna in the lead. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Friday, August 1, 2003 It’s like your mother always said, “Stop playing with your meat!” Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Friday, August 1, 2003 I didn't have the foresight to realize one of the consequences of my purchase: White cars get dirty fast. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! It’s better than Anal Probe. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Friday, August 1, 2003 The cat's asleep in the hamper, there is a new chicken looking out at me from my "FANCY COCKS" calender, and my boyfriend has landed safely in LasVegas...all is right with the world. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Friday, August 1, 2003 We'll spend the day treasure-hunting and imagining ships with black sails on the horizon. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Friday, August 1, 2003 Lee's boyish good looks have women from coast to coast becoming more than just a little moist. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Friday, August 1, 2003 The only part that kind of sucks is how gnarly I look afterwards - rumpled, oily, makeup gone, hair awry. Like I've crawled out of an extremely satisfying weekend sex marathon, you know? Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Friday, August 1, 2003 I'm always busy, always away from my desk, always off doing something that usually involves a computer, a meeting, or a clot of malignant co-workers bent on pouncing on my joie de vivre, stealing its lunch money, and threatening to kick its ass at the flagpole after school. Open saint-louise's page in a new window view an illustration of saint-louise! "I just sorta thought... I mean... I always assumed that Harrison Ford was just sorta universally handsome. That anyone would agree. Y'know? Not like someone like... Vin Diesel. Some people actually think HE'S hot!" I said. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Friday, August 1, 2003 When I don't know you and I'm sitting in your place of business at 10 a.m. on a Thursday morning, the last thing I want to learn about you is that lesbian threesomes turn your crank. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Thursday, July 31, 2003 If you don't have a pool (or live near the ocean), why, WHY, am I still associating with you? Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Thursday, July 31, 2003 This was her argument. Because she saw some brat named Chloe hawking tampons or Yoo-Hoo, she was willing to change the entire identity of her child. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Thursday, July 31, 2003 It’s strictly for stalking and stalking purposes only. Please do not abuse this privilege by messaging me with witty banter and the like. Only the deranged, okay? Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Thursday, July 31, 2003 Anyway, I have a new group of people to hate with every fiber of my being. Babies. I really fucking hate babies. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Thursday, July 31, 2003 I'm debating whether or not to upgrade my status around here. I'm top dog as far as I'm concerned but I'm still hanging around the ghetto dump portion of Diaryland. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Thursday, July 31, 2003 Matrix-like, she'd fly through the air swiping at the big dopy doves that always hung around. We'd always be coming home to find sorrowful little piles of bloody feathers, and a cat with a smug expression and suspiciously rotund belly. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Wednesday, July 30, 2003 Little did I know that we were well past "too many" and deep into "critical population explosion." Open saint-louise's page in a new window view an illustration of saint-louise! Wednesday, July 30, 2003 It’s damned hard to make an alluring gown out of toilet paper. Especially when one is fresh out of sequins or at the vary least, paper clips to snaz it up a bit. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Wednesday, July 30, 2003 This has got to be the most pointless crush ever, except for the one I had on Luke Perry in 6th grade. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Wednesday, July 30, 2003 Why does everything happen on the east coast of the US? Why doesn't anyone ever try to blow up freakin' california for once? Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Wednesday, July 30, 2003 Tomorrow I'm going to come in wearing a Mexican wrestler's mask and proclaim that I will break anyone in that class that attempts to mess with El LeeboZeebo LOCO....like so, with my knee. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Wednesday, July 30, 2003 I once was at a party with a man who bragged that there wasn't anyone he couldn't teach to dance and after two hours of trying to teach me, he finally admitted that he had met his Waterloo. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Wednesday, July 30, 2003 At this rate, my chest will disappear before I’m even within spitting range of size 12. And what then? Concave? Will men with mantits seek me out for slow dances? Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Wednesday, July 30, 2003 Well, it's finally happened. Hottie English Teacher digs me and we're going on a steamy date. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 I'll just go ahead and say this. I'm going to fail my weight lifting class. There's no way around it. I tallied everything that I have to do up, and unless I become Mr. Universe sometime within the next week, I cannot possibly pass. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 We stood around with more and more people showing up saying "How come the place is closed? Weren't you supposed to be on by now?" Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 either way, i was non-plussed, but restrained all desires to phlegm them. a civilized woman in an uncivilized world. Open adwhore's page in a new window view an illustration of adwhore! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 My natural instinct, of course, is to say "How is it going?" but that is too formal, so it comes out, usually, as "Howzit goin'?", and sometimes I get to stick the Canadian "Eh?" on the end, which re-affirms my patriotic pride in all things plaid and honey-glazed and such, and puts me in the mood to watch me some Strange Brew. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 Well, there’s really nothing to say, except ... in our household, “Fuckface” is a term of endearment. Should you decide to come and visit, consider yourself warned. Open jamiestar's page in a new window view an illustration of jamiestar! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 Then they hooked a microphone up to the PA, and invited the resident 5-year-old badass to try his hand at improvising up some lyrics. It was scary...so scary, because he rocked so hard and his lyrics were totally amazing in a weird, dark, Zack de la Rocha / Jim Morrison / Jim Henson kind of way. Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 I look damned good. Damned good. You could hardly tell I was snaggle-toothed. Instead you see a fine and temptin’ piece of ass. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 The silence in the truck, which heretofore could have been described as "a tad frosty" had dropped to something in the range of "nuclear winter". Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 Mostly, we will be camping on islands only accessible by boat and where you can only bring what you can carry. So we're still fucking hardcore, you fuckers. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Tuesday, July 29, 2003 "Please drive to the next window.," the voice, with a Biggie Sized order of Judgment, replied. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window view an illustration of ladeeleroy! Monday, July 28, 2003 By looking within the deep recesses of my own mind I only manage to raise more questions than I answer, which is highly unsatisfying. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Monday, July 28, 2003 What about that weird, attached part of my right ear? Does that count as a 'skin abnormality'? Oh, shit. My poor spleen. Wait, how can I tell if it's enlarged? Should there be a visible bulge? Oh, my god. I BULGE EVERYWHERE!" Open saint-louise's page in a new window view an illustration of saint-louise! Monday, July 28, 2003 Last weekend someone went on and one about how I look like Bjork. But... she kept pronouncing it B-Jork. Over and over she kept saying the name. "You look SO MUCH LIKE B-Jork! Ohmygod! Totally like B-Jork!" Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Monday, July 28, 2003 While on stage, never simulate using a vibrator on a woman. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Monday, July 28, 2003 He hugged me goodbye. I boob squished him. He smelled good. Kiwi Man Sweat should be bottled and sold as an aphrodisiac. Open motherlode's page in a new window view an illustration of motherlode! Monday, July 28, 2003 I'd see her walk towards the bed, turn my head for a moment, and when I looked back there were blankets and sheets strewn about, pillows tossed here and there, and small controlled fires nibbling away at my foam bed pads. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Monday, July 28, 2003 I got a new typewriter and I named it The Captain. It's a boy and non-electric. Heavy, smells of attics, grey with green keys...The Captain rules yer ass. Just so you know. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Monday, July 28, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!