AdWhore AnnFrank BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Motherlode Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Hitting the Motherlode: 12% Beer Welcomes Tones! Diarist.net Nominations are Open until July 15th! Know when 12% Updates! DiaryLand/LiveJournal/XML NewsFeed More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove It's a lot easier than thinking I've got some bizarre repressed memories that my family isn't telling me about, and twenty percent less conspiratorial as well. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Sunday, July 6, 2003 Then a bunch more songs and they finished off with 'If It Feels Good Do It'. I looked back at Shaine during that and she was rocking her ass off throwing horns. Warms my heart, it does. Open motherlode's page in a new window Sunday, July 6, 2003 Because the MarnCo Labs first stab at BBQ Pizza Crust bears a startling resemblance to a frisbee, the brain trust over in our Marketing Department has suggested calling our first, uh, spin-offs either frizzas or pisbees. Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, July 6, 2003 "You make me want to scream like a chicken!" Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Sunday, July 6, 2003 Screaming for help is much more effective if you’re jumping up and down. Naked. Open jamiestar's page in a new window Friday, July 4, 2003 We traded men/sex stories and tossed our hair around, laughing with unbridled joi de vivre. In many men's fantasies, this would end with us having hot lesbian sex on my cream leather couch. Open motherlode's page in a new window Friday, July 4, 2003 I've woken up quite startled from a nightmare before, but I think this may be the first time that I woke up with such abject terror. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Friday, July 4, 2003 Like every Greek man his age, he was ALWAYS in a sweater, even in July and the temperature in the 90s. Open biensoul's page in a new window Friday, July 4, 2003 When his truck pulls into the yard he checks to see if I've heard him drive up, if I'm looking at him through the kitchen window. If he spots me, he gets this, "Oh, crap, I'm busted" look on his face that cracks me up every time. Open marn's page in a new window Friday, July 4, 2003 I was standing there at one of my kid’s baseball games and I was the only one without a pager! Talk about inequality, I really felt like a schmuck. Before we went to the next game, I took my garage door opener and stuck it on my belt so I could give off the illusion of having a pager. Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 "I wanted to be called SUPER Vulcan... but NO! I'm African American, so they called me Black Vulcan!" Open jwalker's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 I'm tired, yet strangely well rested and relaxed. I gave Heather the best possible send off I could muster, stuffing her full of various good things. Open fadein's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 I was like, 'What the crap?!' And then this guy jumps out from the side stage, taps his heels and shoots out a 'yee-HAWWWWWW' scared the crap out of me. Open halee's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone I love for loving me back even when I'm screeching like a monkey and being completely irrational. Open rudey's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 Well, I didn't win the P0werball L0ttery and frankly I'm a little pissed off about it. I mean, I even asked someone to pray for me so that I would win. What good is prayer or religion if you can't manipulate God? Open skim's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 The absolute LAST thing that anyone should ever hear while in her underwear, laid out on a bed in a salon while getting her shit-taken-care-of is someone saying "Oh my God." Open biensoul's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 ...and then he went off and was talking about how he has wasted all these years of his life and now that he had found Jesus (he'd been behind that couch the whole time) he was trying to make up for lost time. Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 it was dark, i was in barefeet, and i could merely make out the silhouette of her plate, which looked like it had a pile of shit on it. Open adwhore's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 It’s 89 degrees and humidity that requires a personal squeegee. Or maybe a small portable midget who would give you little midday sponge baths. Open weetabix's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 Fuck Me Senseless... (Okay...More Senseless) Open adwhore's page in a new window Thursday, July 3, 2003 It's a well known fact that if one of my posts includes the word "boner" or "boobs" that my readership increases ten-fold. You guys are drawn to these words like moths to a flame. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Any chapter that starts off with "This hasn't been a good week. I've started drinking my own urine."... you just really can't go wrong with, can you? Open jwalker's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 "I like it better when I'm not wearing pants." Open skim's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 It's clearly superior and I'm hopelessly dependent on it. It's needed, it's wanted, it's loved, and it's probably pissed that there's another one just like it on the other side of me that doesn't do shit. Open rudey's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I'm not the greatest friend one could have, but when I let you eat my dinner, and then pay for it all on top of starving and having my ears bled, then someone better nominate me for Best Friend Sainthood. Open motherlode's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 The all too common dinners of chicken or fish, served with baked potato, an order of fries, and mashed potatoes. Three servings of potato? "Ahhh, the Irish." Open fadein's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Duuuude. I think I have The Rage. Except, instead of anger, I'm full of snot. And instead of spewing blood and killing people, I'm spewing gibberish and confusing people. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 A lot of people must be having threesomes and peeing on each other out there. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Sheesh. What's a woman gottsta do to get a little peace and quiet in Corporate Canada these days? Who's she gotta blow?! Open ms-m's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 First, I test the door a few times to estimate how long it takes before it shuts, and trying to gauge if I am quick enough to dart over and put my package on the stack and get back before it closes. I am not quick enough. Open halee's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I went and sat with my mother this evening to watch the RedSox lose (like they ever do anything else). She yelled at the game. I stared at everyone's ass. Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Still, that left us with a bonfire that wouldn't light. No problemo! This is the boonies! Neil hopped into HIS pickup truck, a truck which has a spare 50 gallon tank of diesel and gas pump in the back, and drove a loop around the bonfire while someone sprayed the bonfire with diesel. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I need to take off my leather pants before passing out. Then maybe they won't be completely stuck to my fat ass 8 hours later and then maybe I won't require assistance from my daughter who laughs at me while scraping said pants off my skin with a BBQ spatula. Open motherlode's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 In general, my perfect bed is white everything, but apparently I married a creature that emits some kind of man grease and turns his side of the bed this disgusting yellow color. I think it’s man grease. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Ladies and gentlemen, as I stand before you there's a good chance you've noticed that I'm sporting a boner in class. Despite how often this happens, I feel that this particular time is special enough to warrant a little song. Dim lights, please. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I threw in Mozart’s Requiem instead and made myself comfortable with a glass of iced tea and Harry Potter. And if there is a better way (with your clothes on) to spend a rainy Saturday afternoon, then I don’t know what it is. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I hate you so damn much. I banish you to a dimension of doody! Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 This isn’t your typical deviant; anyone who goes by the street name “HoBagel” and defaces public property with white chalk is obviously a force to be reckoned with. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I stayed home yesterday to head it off. Thinkin' that if I just RESTED, I would wake up refreshed and ready to hit Tuesday doggie-style. Open jwalker's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 My calculations show that I should have 1 child, 3 STDs, and 1.5 sexual partners by now. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I am a highly concentrated, extremely volatile, thermally unstable source of negative energy. Under specific circumstances, usually a matter of consistent or increased pressure over an extended period of time, I can react explosively. Open saint-louise's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 okay, are we done? can i please be a PERSON again instead of SEXUALITY? Open adwhore's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 The array of prison tattoos in Olde English font lovingly detailed on my lower abdomen? I've never regretted them. Open fadein's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 It was a fun night. I got to drink some bass. Grab some ass. Meet a namesake, gettwo girls to make out, to the joy of myself and the bartenders. Open tvzero's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I should make a mixtape that mentions scary things. Like werewolves, monsters and the word PANTIES. It would be pretty cool. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 You heard me, cunt. I want my fucking job back. I will tear that pasty little red-headed goy a new asshole. I rocked this sad, shitty little excuse for a website. Step off, bitch, because you're in Ari's House now! Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 His name was once Stinky but then my parents were like "You can't name every single animal you come across Stinky." They're kinda right, I guess. It gets a little confusing after awhile. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Yesterday was the Pride parade and oh hot damn did I get drunk! I’ll be posting about that tomorrow. Expect some really great photos of “Disco The Drag Queen Farmer.” Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I was hoping that there was a terrorist on the plane and he would soon jump up and scream "TURN THIS PLANE AROUND OR THESE TWO BITCHES GET IT!!!" Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Maybe secretly I'm intimidated by how HUGE those fucking books are. So big! Hurts to carry! Open sundry's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I love it! A woman got busted today for driving with her head out the window in an attempt to air blow it dry. On the highway. Open ms-m's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 If you're thin enough and hot enough and shake what Dr. Botox gave you then the world is yours and everything in it. Open rudey's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Where's the fun in celebrating a national holiday if you can't risk maiming, disfigurement, or at the very least poking an eye out while playing with Tubes of Sparkly Explosive Stuff That Goes Boom? Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 I end up doing silly things like puking in the stairwell, pooing in my sister's tub, or sleeping with my ex-boyfriend while the guy I brought to my party passes out downstairs. Open biensoul's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 It becomes apparent it’s not so much a garage you’ve stumbled into, but rather, the place Where Your Creepy-Ass Lawn Ornaments Go to Die. Open ann-frank's page in a new window Wednesday, July 2, 2003 Lord, I love Bill Murray in the most heterosexual way possible, which is why I know that you'll forgive me in all your Holiness when I say that if I was a girl, I might let him get to like second or possibly even third base, but only if he did his best Drill Sergeant voice ala the movie "Stripes" on every one of our dates. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 I'd be like, "Holy fuck, dude! There's a GATOR in the SHITTER!" And then I would take lots of pictures, call everyone I know and possibly have a kegger in honor of the alligator where we would tell epic tales of reptilian triumphs and possibly lose fingers or penises. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 How can you NOT bet on a horse that has a name like "Jethro Casino"? Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 I am simply buying, reading, and enjoying a very well written and entertaining book that just happens to appeal to a great many people. I do not secretly dress up as Hagrid at night and try to cast spells with a little pink umbrella. I also do not have "NIMBUS 5000" tattooed on my penis. Open mangus's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 Our goal this summer is to synthesize The Sum Total Of World Pizza Barbecuing Knowledge, to weave together all the disparate experiences of our three loyal readers and to create: THE CODEX BBQ PIZZA! Open marn's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 I've been DELETED from the "Possible Sex Partner" List and the "Potential Girlfriend" List far more than I should be, I feel. Open biensoul's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 Unfortunately, the new toilet sucks completely. First off, the seat is too long for someone short like me. I feel like I'm sitting lengthwise on a park bench. It's really uncomfortable and near impossible to get any momentum going. Open skim's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 After all, this IS the cutting edge of science, and, well, who's to say that our results could be duplicated in your lab? Maybe you should wait until we complete our research and our paper is published in "Nature". Open marn's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 There’s going to be a delightful little luau, where I’ll be wearing this little green number. It looks like military fatigues but it serves its purpose. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 Good Lookin' Teens + Guy Who Keeps On Killin' Em = Cinematic Gold! Open sundry's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 Open ms-m's page in a new window Monday, June 30, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! Note: Our Foxy Jeffy has updated, but I don't have a new name graphic for him yet... 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! DIARIST.NET NOMINATION REMINDER BOX HOLY SMACK!! THE NOMINATIONS ARE OPEN RIGHT NOW! SUBMIT YOUR NOMINATIONS BEFORE JULY 15TH!!! Best Account of a Public or News Event: MARN Best Comedic Entry: SAINT-LOUISE Best Rant: SUNDRY Outstanding Entry: WEETABIX Best Writing: ANN_FRANK Best Design: KELLYK Best Design: KELLYK Best Journal (Overall): SUNDRY WEETABIX Do you think other BeerMate entries deserve recognition? LET US KNOW, YO! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!