AdWhore AnnFrank AnnieWaits BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

New BeerMates! BienSoul, AdWhore, Halee, & JWalker! Know when 12% Updates! DLand Favorites, LJ Syndication and an XML/RSS NewsFeed make it easy! Seen all our banners yet? We got lots and lots! Mangus designed a whole bunch which make lesser mortals squeal with delight because Joey made a few and even lovely Marn contributed! More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove So, I’m totally dreading Mother’s Day. I think I told you guys that Shawn’s dad died when she was 17, and she says it’s normal to be really scared of these “firsts.” Open jamiestar's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 I could write twenty entries alone on just how much Alan Cummings deserves to have monuments built for him in front of every comic book store in the United States. Open discothekid's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 everyond ekeeps ttelling me that i am drunk, but I dn't beliewve them. I AM NOT DRUNK>>>>>>. Open halee's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 Everything sounds better if you add the word lesbian before it. Lesbian lap dance, lesbian salsa dancing, lesbian chili con carne… EVERYTHING. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 I like to think that things happen for a reason, that we're not a bunch of random proteins and goo acting out on our respective chemical levels. Open fadein's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 Perhaps the teacher will give me an A in the class for the consistency I’ve demonstrated in failing all of his tests. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 Oh, I know what didn't sit right. The fact that Ray Liotta needs to get the fuck off the screen and into my pants. Open mollyx's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 And it was one of those times where my brain went scczzzzzzzzzzzzzoooooooooop and completely flipped itself over. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 You may be reading Marn's Big Adventure, but I'm living it, so they were appreciated. Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 I must just say this for the record...Colossus is so my boyfriend now. He is mine. All mine. I have staked my claim on him and all you other bitches are gonna have to get through me to get to him and god damnit...I FIGHT DIRTY! Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 It is but a testament to the human spirit that I am able to write this entry. Open weetabix's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 Brian: "Too-small pink shorts?" What does that even mean? Me: Well, they are a little too small in that they look great when you're standing up, but not so much when you're sitting down, so if I'm gonna be, like, standing around, then they'll be great, but if I'm thinking I'll be sitting in them - Open sundry's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 Bet you didn't know that an eight-year-old's birthday party could be so fraught with carnage. Rated R, for sure. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 "You're sick." I said. "I don't want to FUCK her! I just think she's really, really pretty. And, not in that fake hollywood way. I like her!" he replied. "I want to fuck Hugh Jackman." I offered. Open jwalker's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 They are demanding, my eyebrows, and they always want to seem to be together in a nasty, unibrow way. I have to spend a lot of money on these puppies. Open biensoul's page in a new window Sunday, May 4, 2003 You know you have The Most Insanely Cool Workout T-Shirt On The Planet when your trainer tells you she absolutely positively has to have one, too. Open marn's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 I am well aware that there are days where I'm as emotional and candid as an outcast 14 year old girl at a sleepover. Those are the days you look back on and reflect upon and wonder what was done with your testicles. Open fadein's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 It's a giant conspiracy involving a ridiculous amount of cards and wrapping paper. Screw you assholes for being born in the same fucking week. Open rudey's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 "Yes, I will go with you, Halee!" Open halee's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 Hey. You know who I have a crush on? Your mom. She's pretty damn cute, man. Hook a sister up. Open mollyx's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 + Sometimes I get so bored I do weird things with my hair. + Sometimes I get so bored that I take pictures of myself. Open mangus's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 My father is from Sweden, and at any moment, if I decide, I could move there. Gas may be 5 dollars a gallon but at least I will no longer be associated with that shithead. Open rudey's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 You're jealous of my rock star life, I can tell. Open rudey's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 Not only will I emit this sneeze, but I'm going to do it in a bank full of people which means There Is Going To Be At Least One Random, Senseless Drive-By Snotting. Open marn's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 My singing workshop last night went well. The Ethan Hawke guy was there and he looks NOTHING LIKE Ethan Hawke! What was I thinking?! If anything, he sort of looks like a white Tracy Morgan. Strange but true. Open jwalker's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 As many of you well know. Any time you post pictures of simulated fellatio, people respond favorably. Open fadein's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 in other news, the pool season ended on tuesday. didn't know it was a seasonal sport, did ya? sport, that's funny. people are like, "how often do you practice?" uh, i practice every time i go get plowed. that's a lot of practice! Open adwhore's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 I'm not going to drop any names here, but wow, did Daredevil ever suck ass. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 I assumed that my performance energy would be enough to sustain me.."water?! bah. You don't need water to sustain yourself. That's just what the Water Farmers of America want you to believe... water causes cancer, you know." Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Friday, May 2, 2003 Since I trust my Loyal Imaginary Readership, I’ll tell you what the secret was. *Deep breath* Here it goes: Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, May 1, 2003 I really hope that I never have to ever experience anything like this ever again. Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, May 1, 2003 I have a TON of work to do. Ridiculous amounts of stuff I need to finish before we launch our new, improved site. But... I seem to be having a hard time doing it! I spent, like, an HOUR yesterday trying to figure out the best movie theater to see The X-Men in! Open jwalker's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 In the name of FadeIn's 2nd Annual Diaryland Show-and-Tell day, I'm showing a picture of myself. If you don't think it's a good idea, or prefer I remain faceless, then don't look. Open biensoul's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I have a feeling that this weekend shall be dubbed "The Weekend Of Destruction", for we is gonna smash that suckah up, yo. Just the thing to do after spending all your savings and going into massive debt to buy something, eh? Yeah, smash it up. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I get disgusted when men get together and raffle off their sexual resumes as if they were marking some kind of pathetic social territory. I don’t like to pee on trees, why must other guys? Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I headed to Michael's for some last minute scrapping materials (SHUT UP! I know, I know that my latest hobby is old-ladyish and stupid, but I find it relaxes me. BESIDES, I'm the only person at the scrap table who continually uses alcohol as a theme, so take that!) Open biensoul's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 See Marn. See Marn squat. See Marn squat 135 pounds. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I must see X-Men 2. That's a given. I love X-Men with my entire body, including naughty places that I shouldn't bring up in polite conversation. But since I'm not very polite, I'll go ahead and say "cock." Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 We can start fights in the parking lot, and be real authentic about the whole thing! I even dug up my old bike chain so I can carry it around that day! Open halee's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 If I really do quit this time I'm considering changing my name to Captain Awesome. Open rudey's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I am literally emptying my bowels into my pants thinking about X-Men. Open jwalker's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I think I’ve lowered Attack by Bats to Code Orange and have elevated Proximity To Mice up to Code Red. In the event that I encounter bats or when our intelligence officials learn of bat activity, we will reevaluate the levels, but right now? Bats Orange, Mice Red. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 Open fadein's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 You'd think this carpet was lurking around, trying to look up our skirts, instead of just hanging out on the floor like carpets are apt to do. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 Well, we eventually wind up smashed and there’s some groping in a hotel room somewhere til I realize, I really, really could never actually have sex with someone who still listens to “Come On Eileen” in a very non-ironic way. Open annfrank's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I am so not pleased about this. Staring at dead things is not the way I like to start my morning. Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 I'm still a little spacey and snortley, but that urge to claw wretchedly at my nose like Uma Thurman after she hoovered that line of smack in Pulp Fiction is gone. Open sundry's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 Can I get a Woot-woot? Can I get an Unh? Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Wednesday, April 30, 2003 "How Do We Like Our Cock?" Open biensoul's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 Obnoxious Girl: I have to tell you something. Some Friend of Hers: What's that? Obnoxious Girl: I really like it up the ass. Some Friend of Hers: Why are you telling me this? Obnoxious Girl: I don't know, but I REALLY like it up the ass. Open thecritic's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 Sunday night I screamed and smoked so much at the Bad Religion show that on Monday morning I felt like I had eaten gravel all weekend. Open rudey's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 The 2nd Annual Diaryland Show and Tell Picture Day!!! Open fadein's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 Deer: Spawn of Satan or just Satan's Fuzzy Little Minions? Open marn's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 Even if I did know, I wouldn't have cared because it's one of those gay holidays that doesn't mean anything Open halee's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 Excuse me while I change my panties. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 So yeah...I had to go to Jury duty today and I must say...this is NOTHING like Ally McBeal. NOTHING AT ALL! I am very upset by all this. Open mangus's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 i NEVER anticipate the release of movies. in fact, i don't think i have in all my days. but this one, well, it promises to be a good psychological mind fuck. Open adwhore's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 "One of these days," I hissed, "I am NOT going to try and avoid you, and you will be ground into the floor like a stale Dorito." Open sundry's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 Be harassed by a couple of guys who are clearly rolling. Tell one of them fifteen times that NO, you do NOT want to trade shirts with him. Open jamiestar's page in a new window Tuesday, April 29, 2003 During this humiliating show and tell, I started thinking that chiropractors may have terrific sex lives. I mean, come on, they know exactly how a body moves and how to make it get in all sorts of fun positions... Open biensoul's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 You want to just walk barefoot out to the porch of a wooden farmhouse with a glass of ice tea in your hand and a cushioned wicker chaise waiting for you, your favorite book face down, roosting its pages in the spot you left it. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 "Look, just tell me: If God exists, would you get into a fistfight with him or not?" Open fadein's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 I’ll gladly touch a plastic penis, but a potentially dirty doorknob is where I draw the line. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 I can no longer say that the last boy to feel me up was straight. Yeah. My boobs and homosexuals are like Tony Orlando and Dawn. Except not as musically delicious. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 I am gassy. Open mangus's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 We fled to a pancake place and Penny and I wolved down stacks of pancakes while Eric was our charming companion, drolly noting each time I dropped syrup down my, er, stack. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but most possum are gigantic pricks. Open tvzero's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 I need to put sexy pictures of her up on my diary. I can only assume this is because she wants me to be popular. Or that she has some grander scheme to destroy me. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 You want to roll around in my goddamn sexy bed. Open biensoul's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 At this point I can only say that shopping for swimsuits must be like childbirth. It's so unpleasant, so completely painful and horrid, that afterwards you block the memory and eventually start thinking "Hey, Junior could really use a sister." Open sundry's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 Perhaps they’re just seeing the inner beauty of these strangers, who they just met at some bar or street corner while snorting blow. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 The two of them play together and sometimes sleep together too. I think Ticket gets mad when Ash makes fun of her ghetto booty. It’s true my dog has a big ass. I love my little J.LO puppy. Open discothekid's page in a new window Monday, April 28, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK LadeeLeroy Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!