AnnieWaits AnnFrank BetaBitch BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Fu-Fu Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DiaryLand/LiveJournal/XML NewsFeed OCT 1st! 12% Beer is 2 Years Old Today! We're now in our Terrible Twos, so hide your valuables, 'cause we're here to Bust Some Shit Up. The 12% BeerGarden - MessageBoard! - BEERGEAR! BIRTHDAY LOVE. PUCKER UP. JAN.08 JAN.10 JAN.20 JAN.25 FEB.19 FEB.22 MAR.07 MAR.15 MAR.27 APR.21 MAY.04 MAY.17 MAY.22 JUN.11 JUN.13 JUN.20 AUG.01 AUG.04 AUG.04 AUG.05 AUG.23 AUG.29 AUG.29 SEP.11 SEP.26 OCT.01, 2001 DEC.27 DEC.29 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove Yeah, we’re pretty stupid but name another two grown adults who get audibly amused upon hearing the Russian President’s last name… Putin. Pootin. Rootin’ Tootin’ Putin. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Saturday, October 4, 2003 The bag was the victim of a random, senseless drive-by sliming. If any of you has a fetish that involves slippery bags full of books, I can tell you with complete confidence that a product called Liquid Silk will fulfill all your goo needs. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Saturday, October 4, 2003 "Rico had it right, man," said Scotty, "Fuck anything that moves, and get the hell out! Rico lived man!" Important advice, indeed. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Saturday, October 4, 2003 Well no fuck I'm self centered in my own damn journal. What else would I do here? Sit around and go "boo hoo no one loves me and I'm fat" and then write epic goth poetry about faeries with dark wings? Fuck no. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Saturday, October 4, 2003 I need to hear how old people were when they lost their virginity from actual people. Not Maxim people. Also the blowjob and size issues. But that's just because I'm perverted and want to know all about your various tales of debauchery. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Friday, October 3, 2003 I started wondering if it was a joke. I mean... it might have been. The lyrics were way too stupid to be sung as seriously as they were. "I cried and I cried and then... I died." crap like that. (unless you're Morrissey, you just can't get away with that shit!) Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Friday, October 3, 2003 I'm sitting here wearing a suit and gym shoes. It's pretty fucking hot. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Friday, October 3, 2003 Does anyone expect me to come up with a cure for cancer? Nope. Does anyone expect me to develop alternative fuels? Nope. Hell, people don't even expect me to shower daily. Open skim's page in a new window view an illustration of skim! Friday, October 3, 2003 Sometimes I fantasize about licking their books before bagging them and then wishing them a lovely day. Open skim's page in a new window view an illustration of skim! Thursday, October 2, 2003 Little Yellow Ducky: Your feet stink! Take off the damn slippers and leave us alone! Open ms-m's page in a new window view an illustration of ms-m! Thursday, October 2, 2003 Little did I know that I would be playing a rousing game of Smush The Jogger with The Stealth Cyclists From Hell. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Thursday, October 2, 2003 Luckily, I didn't really have to go, as the toilet was covered in sick. So I just stood there and stared at myself in the mirror... trying not to touch anything until an appropriate amount of time had passed. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Thursday, October 2, 2003 The character I created was a Russian dancing bear. His name was, Spooge-ski. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Thursday, October 2, 2003 All Anal on the Western Front Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Thursday, October 2, 2003 I fear that when she frantically loses weight again, will she simply pop out of existence? Or become see-through? Perhaps we should employ an emergency SWAT team to stand by with intravenous doses of Twinkie filling. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Thursday, October 2, 2003 He later goes on to say that he thought he was just being "playful" when he groped at women's breasts, attacked them in elevators, and put his hand up their skirts. He's just a big kid, that Arnold! Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Thursday, October 2, 2003 Anyway, I seriously thought I broke my wrist tonight. Pretend it happened by me doing something noble like saving a sack of kittens from a rampaging tractor or something. Or just accept my reason of the wall sassed me and I had to throw down. Whichever. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Thursday, October 2, 2003 I could stick it on the back of my neck and when Jerry The Jehovah’s Witness asks me about it at work tomorrow I can tell her that I finally agreed to “get the barcode.” Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Thursday, October 2, 2003 I'm holding two margarita-stained cigarette butts in my hand, and they're bitter and sweet and bittersweet: they're him and me and us. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Thursday, October 2, 2003 Jesus agreed to leave. Suddenly the customers realized that he did not depart but instead was scribbling on the windows with his blood. True story. Put THAT in your bible. Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Thursday, October 2, 2003 This morning I bought a laundry marker. So far I have 46 names you have given me to run for and tonight I wrote each of them on the front of my official run t-shirt. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Thursday, October 2, 2003 A second later I heard the guy yell, "Jesus Christ!" I looked over my right shoulder in time to see a car making a left hand turn slam right into the motorcycle. Open ms-m's page in a new window view an illustration of ms-m! Thursday, October 2, 2003 Still weepy, I flip over to 'Newlyweds' on MTV. Seconds later, I laugh so hard at Jessica Simpson saying she thought buffalo wings were made from buffalo I practically crap my pants. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Wednesday, October 1, 2003 News on the dream front - I had a dream last night and 12% Beer member Jess from JWalker was in it. It's my first ever BeerMate dream. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Wednesday, October 1, 2003 I’d be proud to sleep with any one of them, and I hope they are all reading this right now. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Wednesday, October 1, 2003 I'd like to think that if I heard a voice that said "Kill your psycho co-worker... kill your psycho co-worker." (and, believe me, at times I think I do!) that I would say "No, voice, just because you tell me to do something doesn't mean I'm going to do it! Now, bend over bitch!" Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Wednesday, October 1, 2003 "Good night, fahrenheit...hello, celcius!" Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Wednesday, October 1, 2003 And, let me tell you, without going into too much graphic detail, my lower intestine seems to be quite happy that it can get some work done without being burdened by four pounds of french fries. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Wednesday, October 1, 2003 Fucking Mars and Venus bullshit. Also, Dr. Phil can blow a goat. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Wednesday, October 1, 2003 I like to use such phrases as "big-fucking-cock" and "sweet-boy-pussy" and "I'm gay and I'm dating that boy right there...yes, the one in the baseball hat with the pretty eyes who needs to shave...he is my MAAAAAN and I have seen him naked many times and touched him in his swimsuit area". Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 Fuck you and your opinions, Captain Judgmental from the Planet Fucktard. You get off my damn back, you monkey. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 That I won’t hide because she is by dictionary definition a god damned dingbat. Also, I have made quite the hobby of shutting this woman up. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 Where you and your buddies could talk the whole period, or do absolutely nothing, or throw things, or steal your teacher's kleenex or whatever else you wanted to do when your teacher wasn't around and you had little or no authority telling you what to do. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 The hot cop would be impressed with my stoicism. "That's one tough chick!" he would think to himself. Then he would notice the unusual color of my eyes and start feeling things he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 I think the only answer to get out some pent up aggression is to form a secret fight club and beat up homeless people. Those guys are just asking for it. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 I also learned how to say "go fuck yourself" in Croatian. Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 Lucky Strikes, Schlitz, shell collecting, crazy evil genius horse dog spooning me as I tried to sleep. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 Seriously, in a room full of people... the creepy guy ALWAYS picks me out and starts following me around. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 Seriously, it's been a couple months since Mister Dubya arrived on the USS Lincoln, simultaneously searing millions of eyes with his man-bulge. Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Tuesday, September 30, 2003 The next thing you know the tortured soul has been nailed to the wall with death glares and errant Post-It-Notes that remind The Big Cheese to get an oil change and pick up the spouse's cleaning. Open ms-m's page in a new window view an illustration of ms-m! Monday, September 29, 2003 Last night I dreamt that George Harrison lived in my sock drawer. No shit. He had a red shiny coat and a black barbershop mustache like on the cover of Sgt. Pepper. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Monday, September 29, 2003 Whatever, bitch. I got your pickle. And I ate it and it tasted like Victory. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Monday, September 29, 2003 I don't know. When a girl puts her hand out to be shaken, is it normal practice for a guy to go in tongue's a-blazin'? Is it? Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Monday, September 29, 2003 I told the boyfriend that I would be careful and smoke a lot of cigarettes so if someone fucked with me, I could burn their eyes out or something. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Monday, September 29, 2003 "Jess, what's the number one ingredient in NyQuil? ALCOHOL. Might as well come over here and have a good time while making yourself better." Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Monday, September 29, 2003 They should just play the game naked...cause it's not like football isn't a totally queer game already. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Monday, September 29, 2003 And by the end of all of it, the government was out to get her and her neighbors all look at her in ways that she knows they want to have sex with her. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Monday, September 29, 2003 The whole time we were at Ikea buying it, I kept referring it to "The Kiddy Table", and lamenting that we didn't have the room for a "Big People Table". Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Monday, September 29, 2003 Yeah, so I have to stop writing songs with so many lyrics so I can make room for more white girl dancing. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Sunday, September 28, 2003 I'm not kidding about that PMS shit - my boobs are so fucking sensitive I can't even LOOK at them without gulping an ibuprofen. I wrestled them into a bra this morning and practically passed out. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Sunday, September 28, 2003 I don't know if other majors are like this, but the business school is practically filled with the most shallow, uncaring harlots in the world. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Sunday, September 28, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Motherlode Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!