AdWhore AnnFrank BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Fu-Fu Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DiaryLand/LiveJournal/XML NewsFeed The 12% BeerGarden: "Don't Just Read What We Say... Talk Back!" Marn's "Race for the Rack" - Sexy BeerMate Drawings Doug's Queer Makeover! - BEERGEAR! Buy This Shit Right Now! BIRTHDAY JAN.08 - Fu-Fu JAN.10 - TVZero JAN.20 - LadeeLeroy JAN.25 - MollyX FEB.19 - Sundry FEB.22 - Rudey MAR.15 - LeeboZeebo MAR.27 - Mangus MAY.04 - Disco MAY.17 - Halee MAY.22 - Marn JUN.11 - FadeIn LOO-OOVE! Weetabix - JUN.13 St.Louise - JUN.20 Biensoul - AUG.04 TheCritic - AUG.04 Skim - AUG.05 AdWhore - AUG.29 CuppaJoe - AUG.29 Ms-M - SEP.11 JamieStar - SEP.26 JWalker - DEC.27 Ann-Frank - DEC.29 12% Beer - OCT.01,2001 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove I've already learned seven clever designs for a lamp made out of dried cat dookie, dental floss, and catfish bones. Open fu-fu's page in a new window view an illustration of fu-fu! Sunday, September 7, 2003 I think the cable company has installed a magnet in my ass as well as in the couch. For the last 10 hours I've been held against the comfy cushions, only pulling away from the force when I need to defecate or eat something that can be made during a commercial break. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window view an illustration of ladeeleroy! Saturday, September 6, 2003 I was ready to take on the world because, hey, I already got a diploma from that university while on hiatus from my grade school gig. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Saturday, September 6, 2003 Go look at the new layout of my website and experience what I like to call "Boring is Better". Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Saturday, September 6, 2003 Except with this, it wasn't just the taste of food, it was my love for this strange, anonymous girl. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Saturday, September 6, 2003 Actually... got a little too involved because the next thing he knew he was French kissing a cat. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Saturday, September 6, 2003 Jesus, I've never seen anyone puke so much in my life. It was like a never-ending fountain of stomach fluids. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Saturday, September 6, 2003 FYI: a giant picture of a breast, albeit with nipple demurely hidden in a baby's mouth, is Engineer Kryptonite. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Friday, September 5, 2003 The bad part about being an apprentice is that it's just the two of you. So if someone accidentally lets a fart slip out and it definitely was not your boss, then it definitely was you. And everyone knows it. Not that it happened. I'm just sayin'... Open skim's page in a new window view an illustration of skim! Friday, September 5, 2003 I pretend it's the Swedish euphemism for uh tooting, letting one rip, cutting the cheese, playing the butt trumpet, firing the retro-rocket, or, to use my all time favourite euphemism for flatulence (*insert drum roll here*) Performing The Uncorked Symphony. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Friday, September 5, 2003 Anyway, I had a really good time. He told me that various guys were always checking me out that that 2 other girls and myself were considered the "hot chicks" of the department! And we're often discussed. And that much speculation has been going around since my separation. And that all the guys are intimidated by me. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Friday, September 5, 2003 Most of these inquiries were from Americans, which led me to believe that south of the border, they don't use cutlery to eat, but stuff the food in by hand. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Friday, September 5, 2003 Los Angeles is that girl at the bar that thinks she so much prettier than she actually is, and is just lucky to have something that everyone thinks they want. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Friday, September 5, 2003 We appreciate your time, and hope that you will continue to watch the show. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Friday, September 5, 2003 is anyone NOT having a shit go of it? jesus. i can barely bring myself to write in here cause i know it's gonna be a big puke of bitchin' with a whine chaser. Open adwhore's page in a new window view an illustration of adwhore! Friday, September 5, 2003 She took one look at me, up and down and said “Mmmmmmhmmmmm look at YOU!” and could at that moment understand every bit of the Lesbian Catnip that I try to hide from the world. So then it was official. When I die, I shall be buried in this outfit. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Friday, September 5, 2003 I spent enough money on those shoes to support a village of starving African children. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Friday, September 5, 2003 How do people practice using a sex swing when they're single? Don't you need a partner? What if I invite a guy over and he's all "Whoo! A sex swing! And I'm all "I don't really know how to use it." Maybe it comes with instructions! Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Thursday, September 4, 2003 You see, I’m an atheist but I was raised catholic, so I mostly don’t believe in god out of spite. And boy is he pissed. Or he would be, if I believed in him. Which I don’t. unless I get in a car accident. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Thursday, September 4, 2003 She just looked at me with a semi-frightened smile plastered on her face and handed me my cash. I think it was the white-man afro that caught her off guard. She did not know how to react to the sexology that I was working. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Thursday, September 4, 2003 The fact remains that I did some violating, and that's what's important. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Thursday, September 4, 2003 Remember that movie "Love Story"? Remember the catch-phrase from it: "Love means never having to say you're sorry"? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Clearly whoever wrote that was never, ever married. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Thursday, September 4, 2003 Tonight, we sat there in complete silence as the table behind us completely disproved Darwin's theory. Except change "survival of the fittest" to "survival of the not goddamn annoying as hellist". Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Thursday, September 4, 2003 I personally have no big problems with mice. I mean, besides the little presents they leave behind sometimes, and the germ-spreading potential, I think the little buggers are pretty cute. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Wednesday, September 3, 2003 HAH! I had a long involved conversation with a co-worker here about Napster/Kazaa, etc... and how people don't care about stealing music because the record companies charge so damned much for CDs. CDs that cost, what? 10 cents to make? "They've been dicking us over for years. Why shouldn't WE dick THEM over?" I asked. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Wednesday, September 3, 2003 halee is a sheeeep on craaack Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Wednesday, September 3, 2003 One of my friends swore that if you peed while standing on a scale, the scale would get smaller, as in you would be losing weight while you peed. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Wednesday, September 3, 2003 Would it be confrontational if I told him this morning I contemplated bludgeoning him in his sleep, collecting the insurance money, and hiring a gorgeous young stud another carpenter to finish the freakin' room? Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 "You bring it on, bitch, I'll beat your old-man-ass." Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 Plus, EVERY NIGHT she managed to elbow me in the face at least once. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 Damn stupid TV execs not liking fat chicks... Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 i wanted to run, tear the putrid thing from my body and scream at the moon to rewind the earth's rotation to yesterday simultaneously unsearing the vision of it from my eyes. Open adwhore's page in a new window view an illustration of adwhore! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 Saturday night, I ate far too many worms. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 I know this sounds ridiculous and like wacky woman logic, but God help me it was the sexiest damn sight I've seen in weeks. Seriously. Madonna and Britney kissing? Bah. Madonna and Britney cleaning the schmeng off my stove? Phew, is it getting warm in here? Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 I am loving the suite and everyone seems excited to see me. I guess they don’t have enough sarcastic bastards in their lives. Good to know I fill a void out there. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 I opted for my velcro letter-shirt that I made say "I LOVE MY BARTENDER" (!) and a pair of very low low-rider jeans with a sizable hole in the right knee. My hair is tousled and super sexy, like I just got all sexed up and couldn't be bothered to brush out the fuck knots Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 I made her promise to wait until I came home so I can take it out in the pasture and blow it up with Dad's rifle. Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 Each dog somehow compounded the dogginess of the other two dogs, so it was like walking a herd of buffalo, or something. Leashes became tangled together and wrapped around our legs. Dogs shot out in every direction, endangering the throngs of bicyclists and rollerbladers sharing the sidewalk. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 We had nothing specific to talk about other than the whole crazy birthday thing, so we just yammered about nothing and made monkey noises into the phone. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Tuesday, September 2, 2003 You’d be surprised how often we can convince ourselves that we are going for only 1 beer (even after buying two pitchers). Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Monday, September 1, 2003 I like that Beyonce song, “Crazy In Love.” I like it because she managed to capture exactly what new love sounds like. New love has big horns, a booming chorus and a pussy whipped rapper who used to be tough trying to hold on to whatever creditability he has left with his friends. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Monday, September 1, 2003 I WILL NOT SEND any of my screenplays OVER THE NET or even trough the mail, as I have nothing actually written, but I WILL SEND SMALL SAMPLES of colognes from magazines. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Monday, September 1, 2003 birthdays are sweet--i wish you delicious Open adwhore's page in a new window view an illustration of adwhore! Monday, September 1, 2003 I love my dad more than anything, but for once it was nice to see him floundering in his own conservative bombast when confronted with my Green party Uncle George and my cousin's gay music teacher wanting to flount the tree-hugging party line: Bush is evil, blah blah blah. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Monday, September 1, 2003 After a few reads I found out that the person was gay...and after a few more reads I found out that the person was the kind of gay that makes me want to go get my pink bat of homosexual justice and beat the bloody snot out of them. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Sunday, August 31, 2003 I saw people that I knew for a fact were gay, lesbian, or bisexual. I saw people with disabilities. And when our fight song started, every person in those stands - every single person - put their arms around each other to sing it. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Sunday, August 31, 2003 Athletes Are Freaks, FREAKS I tell you. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Sunday, August 31, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! It's Time To MonkeyRape Austin! CONFIRMED ATTENDEES: Biensoul ~ LadeeLeroy ~ LeeboZeebo ~ Sundry ~ Weetabix CAPTION CONTEST on Da'NOISE! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Motherlode Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!