Ann-Frank- AnnieWaits- CuppaJoe- DiscoTheKid- FadeIn- Fu-Fu- JamieStar- Jeffy- LadeeLeroy- Mangus- Marn- MollyX- Ms-M- Rudey- Saint-Louise- Skim- Sundry- TheCritic- TVZero- Weetabix-

TrailBlazers ~ LoveMakers ~ HeartBreakers News of the Beer Reminder to Diarylanders: Know as soon as 12% updates by adding twelvebeer to your buddylist like These Sexy MoFos! We have a NewsFeed! It's an awesome way to have 12% on your Desktop! It's February, and we've returned to the Classic Design! - 12%Diaryland - FreeBeerLovers - Archives - FAQs - BeerMates = Foxy Bitches! - Buttons! - BeerGarden MessageBoard! - Pitas! - Dland! - XML/RSS Newsfeed Open msm's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 Off the interstate is an old, run-down hospital called something like Saint Bob's Hospital. Except some of the letters are missing. I wonder how many people wonder just what the hell is SAINT BOB'S HO PIT? Open mollyx's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 I looked up to see Scott happily flapping his hands at me…painted with an even SLUTTIER dark burgundy color. "I thought you weren't going to do polish!" I said. "Well, I don't know, I just figured I was doing all the other shit - might as well go all the way, eh?" he replied. Open sundry's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 Basically, her first thought was that I had either vomited all over myself, or lost bowel control. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Saturday, February 8, 2003 I am catnip for lesbians. Open weetabix's page in a new window Saturday, February 8, 2003 Hey, Fred here (referring to me YET AGAIN by the wrong name) walked ALL THE WAY DOWNSTAIRS to make some Easy Mac. Open thecritic's page in a new window Saturday, February 8, 2003 The food was the best part of the package but I did also enjoy the bizarro bright red polar fleece housecoat my mother sent me. Open skim's page in a new window Saturday, February 8, 2003 Thanks for giving me the heads up. You are a very good son. I am going to start drinking now because I just can’t face that bitch sober. Open discothekid's page in a new window Saturday, February 8, 2003 I had the kid break into the liquor cabinet and get all loaded, because you know, that’s always what makes me feel better. Open annfrank's page in a new window Friday, February 7, 2003 Hot damn! I missed out on all that action. I’ve been looking forward to getting molested by geezers in some shanty bar and I’ve missed this once in a life time opportunity. Open thecritic's page in a new window Friday, February 7, 2003 The words 'bike' or 'bicycle' meant 'sex' in French, so whenever you said something about riding your bike, you were actually talking about sex! Open fadein's page in a new window Friday, February 7, 2003 I shall begin sending you incessant fan mail accompanied by my toenail clippings and pictures of me naked with farm animals. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Friday, February 7, 2003 i should mention here that when i say singing i do mean full on top of my lungs american idol warbling here. Open tvzero's page in a new window Friday, February 7, 2003 So now I have to find a dentist and be like "MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL DAMNIT!!!" and he will restore me to my former dental radiance. Open mangus's page in a new window Friday, February 7, 2003 I am deeply, deeply embarrassed to have to admit that I put "The Little Old Lady From Pasadena" on repeat play. Open marn's page in a new window Friday, February 7, 2003 "Why only a complete and utter spend crazy moron would do such a thing!" Open msm's page in a new window Friday, February 7, 2003 It's all goofy and masturbatory and ultimately meaningless, and to someone outside of us, what I'm writing in this entry probably seems psychotic. Open fadein's page in a new window Thursday, February 6, 2003 I cannot lower my rear end to the toilet without trembling legs and a little shriek of pain accompanied by an undignified thud as my muscles give out and I crash onto the seat. Open sundry's page in a new window Thursday, February 6, 2003 Cramps: "What's up, red? Glad you could make it! Now, let's get this party started, shall we? WOOOOOO!" Open rudey's page in a new window Thursday, February 6, 2003 I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been Eye-Raped by my room mate’s boyfriend. And it was unprotected Eye-Sex at that! Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, February 6, 2003 it’s just that there's something about a woman, any woman, and her colon that mars her sensuality. Open tvzero's page in a new window Thursday, February 6, 2003 Anyway, I had a very crappy day and really wanted to start crying so people would say, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" and then I could say, "Everything! I hate you!" and maybe that would make me feel better. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, February 6, 2003 When I die, I want to be buried with a fine assortment of gourmet cheeses. No wait - don't even bother with clothes or makeup. Just melt a bunch of cheese and pour it all over me before you close the casket. Open skim's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 They are straight and glowing and everyone wants to make out with me just so that, while we are entangled in our lip embrace, they might shimmie their tongue across my lovely lovely teeth. Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 Open fufu's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 Something wasn’t right in the seat of my pants and I was surrounded by people so I couldn’t exactly probe my butt with my fingers or anything. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 I flash my boobies in order to get your atttention. Open msm's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 I wore womens clothing last week. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 I had chagrin, which is pretty painful right there, a good case of chagrin, because I actually had gotten to the point where I didn’t want to miss my stories. And my stories involved Lady Elaine Fairchild and Mror Mror Dan’l Tiger Mror. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 That's right, kids. Bandaids on my nipples. Good times. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 "If we don't make you want to pee your pants, then tabernouche, Someone Hasn't Been Doing Their Job." Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 I remember reading in history books about Congressmen who attacked each other with canes during debates and Russian leaders who banged their shoes on tables just to make a point. Where are those days? Powell should at least break out into a song. Open fadein's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 He was getting all pissy because I didn't know what tapping two fingers on the monitor meant in Prickish. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 "Have a banana! See, it look like a big happy yellow smile! It smiling at YOU!" Open sundry's page in a new window Wednesday, February 5, 2003 I said "I think we need to go home" but you know what she did? She made me finish up the rest of the tour of the zoo with a big gaping hole where my peter could just pop out at any given moment and scare the animals. Open fufu's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 Georgie: Hey Kids! There's a crazy assed groundhog out in the Middle East that says it's six more weeks of winter! Open msm's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 It's like Pig Pen grew up and married a Korean girl. Open skim's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 Never mind the big target painted across L.A. Throw in the biological stuff and the interruption of primetime television and you got the makings for a pretty sucky couple years. Open tvzero's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 Uhh… do you think there will be pudding in the cafeteria today? Open thecritic's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 I say, if you're going to take pictures of your boyfriend and yourself wrapped tightly in a sodomite-embrace...why not do it on a nice quilt or a tasteful duvet? Just a suggestion. Open mangus's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 The truth is that the memory section of my brain seems to have converted itself into pure Teflon. Oh yes, important data rushes into my brain, hits the memory section and slides right off, never to be seen again. Open marn's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 I open my eyes and she starts showing me all these crazy pictures. I'm like, "whoa". She's like, "yeah". We discuss the grossness of the pictures and she considers vegetarianism. I giggle at the word "bung". Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 Take away the WIDE LOAD sign from my rear end! As god is my witness, I WILL wear a black miniskirt again! (dramatic music swells) Open sundry's page in a new window Tuesday, February 4, 2003 It's Monday. Mondays always suck. They never hold anything good on a Monday, like lottery draws. Mondays are the day that historians created to piss you off. Yup, you. Open msm's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 As much as I'd like to pay my electricity bill in fecal matter, Exel is not accepting alternative forms of payment right now. Open rudey's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 I wonder what Miss Budina thought was happening, and whether she had any clue as to why her ass suddenly began to feel hot and painful. Open jamiestar's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 Do you like my shirt? It's clean. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 Open marn's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 It does not jiggle. It does not burp. It does not leak. It’s lovely. Esteban, on the other hand, detests it for being cold and “unyielding”. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 Maybe when I'm in London-bloody-England-baby! next week I'll have to take a side trip to Ireland! Open msm's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 I’m still a little “hot to tot” right now just thinking about them. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 I finally passed out around 6 in the morning, with my laptop's cord wrapped around my stomach. And the word count? 300. Three fucking hundred words and I drank two bottles of wine. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 While I don't enjoy dieting, I do enjoy discovering fad diets like the banana-hot dog diet where all you do is alternate one or the other at every meal. Open skim's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 Yesterday was a very Seattle-ish shopping day for me: I bought new stankum candles from Illuminations, some fake flowers from Pottery Barn, and then on to REI. That's just so…Microsofty. Open sundry's page in a new window Monday, February 3, 2003 You can now "Syndicate" 12% by using our new RSS NewsFeed! This brings 12% updates directly to your desktop through a small piece of "newsfeed" software available through sites such as FeedReader or Headline News! (Both are free!) 12% on your desktop! Imagine the unfettered MonkeyLove! IF THIS CONFUSES YOU, AS IT DID THE 12% MONKEYS, WE WILL HELP YOU SET THIS UP! LEAVE A MESSAGE ON THE GUESTBOOK (ON LEFT) OR EMAIL US AND WE'LL HOOK YOU UP! Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!