AdWhore AnnFrank BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DLand/LJ/NewsFeed More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove It came as quite a shock when I discovered that the sweet little old lady that lives in my current building absolutely fucking hates me. Open tvzero's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 Until two days ago, I had completely forgotten that my mom put a curse on Jim Belushi. Open fadein's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 ...and lightweight-but-fashionable hiking clothes, and dreadlocks and grins and booming voices that respond to your breathless "howsitgoin?" with a BillandTed-like, "EEEEEXCELLENT!" Open saintlouise's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 “That’s not a teddy bear. That’s a stuffed pig. I may be blind and buzzed and wearing funny headgear, but I can still tell a pig from a bear, sillyheads." Open jamiestar's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 The first of the Be Weetabix For A Day entries. Open weetabix's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 Daily Brain-Eatin' Reference Open mollyx's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 As I type this update I am sitting in underwear that I've turned inside out as I have completely run out of clean underwear and still have not had the will, time, nor quarters to actually take a load of laundry to a mat of launder and clean some of my fucking clothes. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 I just went and threw it all away because some asshole at the Board has his hands in our pockets and is forcing me to trash my entire closet of open-toed shoes. Open biensoul's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 Who could ever imagine that this deadly virus is actually a product of a decade old vendetta between one orphaned kitten and the entire human race… Open discothekid's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 Sadly, my major issues are with the two food groups known as fat and sugar. Believe me, saying the words "It was the Haagen Dazs speaking" doesn't garner nearly the sympathy that other abuse problems do. Open marn's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 we found ourselves in some sort of insidious alternate sinatra reality. a world in which there's always a swing and a snap and a shimmy and a tap and a one and a two and a one two three four. Open adwhore's page in a new window Friday, June 13, 2003 Several doctors may have popped boners within the confines of their business-casual slacks at the sight of my thick, thick corneas. Open jamiestar's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 My first question is, of course, did I have a duty? But let's explore this. What kind of a duty do I have to have? Is it a large duty? A small duty? Does the particular duty really matter? Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 My first question is, of course, did I have a duty? But let's explore this. What kind of a duty do I have to have? Is it a large duty? A small duty? Does the particular duty really matter? Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 And if there's anything I love more than kids falling down it is kids rocking the fuck out to good music. Open rudey's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 boobs and manly chest hair don't mix ever. Yeah, I don't care what your grandma told you. They don't mix. Don't....mix! Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 You see, my brain wants my body to be my temple. My taste buds do not. Open msm's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 If I were the type of asshole who girlishly squealed, here is where I would. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 I know that y'all are gonna try to go out and get your own Jewess so that she will make you your own chicken fingers (they were breaded in Kellog's Corn flakes! YES! that is total chicken-finger sex right there). Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 I reckon the animal will eventually get boring or even inconvenient to care for in which case you could always burn the monkey onto an unlabeled disc and pile him up on a stack of un-listened to Weezer B-sides. Open discothekid's page in a new window Thursday, June 12, 2003 The two of them were the most dysfunctional people on the face of the earth and made the scariest business combo I've ever experienced before or since. Their career background? Web-based pornography and infomercials. Open sundry's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 So, if I ever find myself thinking this man is an arrogant prick, I simply think back to the time he tied my shoes and realize that maybe he’s not quite so bad after all. Open tvzero's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 He was a class 12 dork with a plus-twelve ability to spaz out and a magical ring of regeekeration. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 I may or may not be married when I return. Open halee's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 Not surprisingly, their tester staff is mostly testosterone laden. Open biensoul's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 I'm seeing little black dots scurrying around in the air. Bugs don't understand choreography, right? Cuz these little black dots are synchronized with each other and making patterns. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 Fine, yes- I fucked your wife! I am your wife, and I fucked her!" Open rudey's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 Being a flamboyant gay black man would give me the ability to walk in there and loudly announce that it was indeed my birthday. Open fadein's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 All night at work, I had the feeling I was about to start crying. It kinda sucked and I'm mad at myself for showing emotion. At this rate, I'll never be a robot. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 You have no idea how wearing it can be to spend 43 minutes of a 45 minute run listening to the mental equivalent of the phone dial tone. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 I want to own an Eskimo baby. They’re so damn cute I could eat one… but that would be cannibalistic and weird. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 You know I used to get really upset at overweight people. Seriously. Fat chicks in particular would really bother me. You see, I happen to have a very large stepmother who I am absolutely sure was mentioned in the book of revelations by name. Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 "EVERY TIME you wish to speak, you must take your pants off (if you are not naked for any reason), turn around, bend over in a 90 degree position, put your hands on your asscheeks and move them as you speak opening and closing your asshole." Open adwhore's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 I mean, what if the...wait...what do you call the lady that coiffs your naughty area? Coochie Cosmetologist? Snatch Stylist? Yes, I like that...Snatch Stylist... Open biensoul's page in a new window Wednesday, June 11, 2003 I decided yesterday that I need to have a morning constitutional and pretend to be a snobby gay victorian person (well...I don't need to pretend the gay part...or the snobby part...) Open mangus's page in a new window Tuesday, June 10, 2003 If the look could be described in one word, that word would be “Meow.” Open weetabix's page in a new window Tuesday, June 10, 2003 The French are protesting pension reform in front of our hotel on Rue Saint Antoine, which in my estimation, looks more like a block party. There's a lot of drinking and dancing. Open skim's page in a new window Tuesday, June 10, 2003 That would be pretty unbelievable, wouldn't it? I'm not a DJ, I don't like country-music, and I don't know anyone who owns a barn, much less a farm. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Tuesday, June 10, 2003 And ahhhhh, the hot tub is nice. You know, when it's actually hot. Last night it was sort of a lukewarm tub. And it stank. Like maybe it had powerful concentrated deer urine instead of actual water in it. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Tuesday, June 10, 2003 Didn't Hemingway get boxes of rejection letters? He did and now he's one of the most revered writers ever. He also played spin-the-bottle with just him and his shotgun, but who cares about the petty details? He's famous now, right? Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, June 10, 2003 I am the quintessential beer pong partner; I am the crazy drunk girl that flashes the boys, but it's okay because I'm not a threat. Open biensoul's page in a new window Tuesday, June 10, 2003 As far as Mother Nature is concerned, I'm the tall, white-haired woman walking around with the "Kick Me" sign firmly affixed to my back. Open marn's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 I hear dogs make good best friends… but they also sniff people’s crotches and will drop you in a heartbeat for a person with doggie treats. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 "And how you celebratin' it, Ms. Hoochie Mama?!" Open msm's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 Not to brag.... hell, who am I kidding? I'm TOTALLY bragging!! HEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!! Open jwalker's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 There was a time when I would have sacrificed all my summers just to have smelled her hair on a tin car hood while looking up at the stars at my neighborhood Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot. God I love that parking lot. Open discothekid's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 So I'm going to be pro-active ..., and I'm saying right now that the crap needs to stop and the awesome needs to start. Now. This instant. Open rudey's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 I have not vomited that much since the fabled Big Day Out in Melbourne 2 years ago! Seriously...my abs are sore. That's how much I puked. But on the up side, I lost 5 pounds this weekend. Bulimia totally works! Open halee's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 That we had better seats than the three b-list celebrities I saw was quite the validation. There’s nothing I enjoy more than faux pretension. Open tvzero's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 I, too, harbor a secret desire to Rage Against the Espresso Machine. I want to be anti-, to buck convention. Open fadein's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 She wrote on the driver side back windows "REAL MEN WORSHIP SATAN" and then I drew pentagrams on all the other windows except the back passenger windows, where I wrote "METALLIA". Open halee's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 And then I would just up and scream "OH MY GOD I HAVE SARS!" and go running out of the building, chased by a hored of sweaty half naked army men who were hiding somewhere in the Best Buy. Open mangus's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 At first, it was funny. And sad. Then they broke out with the power ballads. And the smoke machine. Then "sad" stood alone while "funny" offed itself in the garage. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 Oh, yeah. This entertainment center is the baddest-ass badass to ever bad some ass. Can your entertainment center boast such a feat? Do you even have an entertainment center? No? Well, then how are you going to center your entertainment, crazy? Riddle me that, Bat-Punk? Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 I am free to drink four beers in 28 minutes because my little blue guy keeps getting killed on the Blood Gulch screen. Open biensoul's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 were trying to steal purses from old ladies at the supermarket. Open adwhore's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 What Rudey should have been wondering was how your friend got your daughter’s vagina confused with THE MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION. Open discothekid's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 If I were a superhero today, I would be Lower Body Aches n' Pains Girl. Sure, those might be lame superpowers, but come on - the n' is sassy. Open sundry's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 Before I know it my journal will by bullying the other journals on the playground, and then it’s on to robbing liquor stores. I’ve doomed it to a life of juvenile detention centers and maximum-security prisons. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 Woke up this morning, Ba da-da-da da. Feeling like poo, Ba da-da-da da. I didn't heed the warning, Ba da-da-da da. Cuz I got work to do... Open msm's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 Open mangus's page in a new window Monday, June 9, 2003 will there be an Induction To Online Society ball in which we all wear white dresses and dance with handsome cadets from the local military school? Because damn, there’s just nothing like rug burn from a fresh crew cut. Open weetabix's page in a new window Sunday, June 8, 2003 Eden, schmeden. A garden is a brutal place. Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, June 8, 2003 "Someone put the pussy on me, I needs me some Womenz and boobies!!" and then I'd bounce away to crush things with my head and grunt...or something. That's how straight guys act, right? Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, June 8, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!