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yoyoyo Mangus (Of Man-Harem Fame) Is The Official 12% Illustrator! |
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Pizza Buns (it's like rumproast, but pizza-ish) Saturday, October 12, 2002 
We jokingly spelled out the word 'dog' around the cat when we first got her. Yes, that's quite stupid. For some reason, it stuck. A variation on the D.O.G. theme is to sing out, in tune with the G.I. Joe theme song, "D.O.G! Great American hero! D.O.G was theeerrre!" Saturday, October 12, 2002 
We usually express our feelings using "Star Wars" metaphors: "You're like the Chewbacca to my Han Solo." This is then followed by a ritualistic clanking of beer bottles and a meeting of knuckles. Real touching stuff like that. Friday, October 11, 2002 
This sort of thing no doubt scared the crap out of readers for years to come, inspiring them to repent for their naughty, naughty ways and give in to the healing power of the religion du jour. At least, for a few days. Until the next buxom wench walked by with an ass that was far more inspiring. Friday, October 11, 2002 
But we're going anydamnway cause it's Cristi's father's birthday and we have to go tell him how old and fat he's becoming. Friday, October 11, 2002
I know this is wrong to admit, but I really enjoyed it when I got into heated arguments with some of my ex-boyfriends. It gave me such great pleasure to verbally destroy them. That's right, little boy! Cry! Cry like the lying, cheating ass that you are! Friday, October 11, 2002 
Mornings are a particularly fun time for him. When he hears my alarm go off he starts screaming and nudging my face, "Get up, get up! You've been out for hours! I needs my pettin', bitch!" Friday, October 11, 2002 
Now, I wouldn't say I slipped off the treadmill so much as I was catapulted into the wall behind me like a large measure of bricks. Friday, October 11, 2002 
I figure that about 20 years from now my Eccentric Old Lady License becomes valid and I'll be able to say pretty much anything I want. My Eccentric Middle-Aged Lady License, sadly, comes with restrictions regarding What I Can Say To Complete Strangers. Friday, October 11, 2002 
My problem all along was that I had confused the lord God with justice. The way I saw it, there is very little justice, so it would appear to me that there is very little God. That was where I was gravely mistaken. If God is a creator of love and life, then justice is none of God’s business at all. In fact, it’s not even in his jurisdiction. Friday, October 11, 2002 
i just talked to my mommy tonight. she told me about some program that my sisters are doing that is supposed to help them be more alert and learn more stuff. yeah, normal people call this program "coffee", but in costa rica, where my family lives, coffee goes down the natives throats like water. Friday, October 11, 2002 
No matter what anyone tells you, that was NOT me dancing in the DJ booth. Thursday, October 10, 2002
While I'm sure it will be a good thing to get my swanky running shoes out of their year-long hibernation, watching the TeleTubbies after committing to exercise is just wrong. You can't concentrate on the Bunny Rabbits, dammit. Thursday, October 10, 2002
You see, my father taught me that bugs can slip out from underneath dry tissue. But if you wet it just a bit, you can create enough friction to ensure you'll grab it. (God, I really do have a weird family). Thursday, October 10, 2002
"Ground control to Planet Colour Blind. Can you read me?" Thursday, October 10, 2002
I could carry a badge around, and maybe a gun and then get all up in people's faces when say, they're taking too long at the 7-11 microwave. "I'm sorry, ma'am? You and your hot dog are gonna have to move it along. I'm FBI and this burrito needs to be reheated for national security purposes." Thursday, October 10, 2002
Hmmm. I don’t feel quite right, and I’d really like to take the day off. But what if in a couple of days I wake up, arise from my cocoon to take a shower, start coughing, and suddenly my body attempts to expel one or both of my lungs from my body cavity through any available orifice? Thursday, October 10, 2002
I walk by Shawn, and she reaches up and grabs my left breast. Hard. For no fucking reason. Wednesday, October 9, 2002
Don't you see what we've done?! We have created a completely new way to dream! It's going to revolutionize Sleep as a whole! You can't give up now, we have to learn more!" Wednesday, October 9, 2002
Everyone addressed my guys directly, which is more important to them than you could know. They hate it when they go to work sites and all matters that require communication are directed at me. They are the ones doing the work. Not me. I’m just the jerk who makes sure they get there safe. Wednesday, October 9, 2002
Someone apparently decided to wash it very early this morning, and much to my dismay, I was treated to a proper ass-wetting upon sitting down on the seat. Wednesday, October 9, 2002
She cooks the turkey and makes the gravy, the rest of us bring in everything else, producing a meal high in the three main food groups: fat, sugar, and Anything That's Not A Vegetable. Wednesday, October 9, 2002
It is then that time screeches to a dead stop. You are faintly aware of a faraway whistling shriek, like a cruel wind rushing over a nightmarish moor. This is the sound of your brain recoiling in utter horror. The term "tunnel vision" has sudden and brutal meaning to you as everything around you fades away and all you can see is... Wednesday, October 9, 2002
"You betta bring me home a present, motherhumper!" Wednesday, October 9, 2002
I gave up the fight for a perfect soul when I realized that I couldn’t help but judge people for being really into Dave Matthews. Wednesday, October 9, 2002
Have you ever been sitting around and your cell phone rings that boring default ring and you think to yourself, "Dizzamn, you know what would be hellafresh as a ringtone, yo? The motherfuckin' Facts 'O Life theme song, BITCH!" Wednesday, October 9, 2002
I’ve graduated to the coughing-cool-stuff-up phase. Lovely, green phlegm. Feels so good when you spit it out your car window. Tuesday, October 8, 2002 
You crazy, girlfriend. Can't you see what that chain is doing to you? Can't you see that it's rusting all over yourself. Look at your sensitive skin. It's getting all crustified. Tuesday, October 8, 2002
The words wangitude, prowess and stamina will not be used here today because I will not be sharing intimate anecdotes involving the spousal unit. Tuesday, October 8, 2002
I’ll never forget the look on my mom’s face when she came into my room and caught me listening to a group of Spanish boys singing a song about a frog called, "Coqui." Every muscle in my mom’s face seemed to be saying; I guess I would still love my son if he were gay. Tuesday, October 8, 2002
anyhow, my butt's okay. it's not hairy. i don't have zits on it or anything. i have a nice skin tone. but i have to ask myself is it really worth all the attention it gets? Tuesday, October 8, 2002
At 9:26, we photographed the subject glowering into an empty coffee mug. And at 9:31, she was bent over in her chair, presumably searching for the Teddy Graham she had just dropped into her crotch. Tuesday, October 8, 2002 
My thumbs are sore, which means if I did actually go on some sort of forgotten championship thumb wrestling spree I sure did kick some ass. Tuesday, October 8, 2002
That textbook cost me over 0. There's no way I'm puking on a 0 textbook. Tuesday, October 8, 2002
The problem with wearing heels in Workplace is that every floor surface is covered with wood. It's rather charming, really, these beautiful hardwood floors everywhere - but wear any heel taller than .003" and you sound like a Shetland pony tramping around the office. Tuesday, October 8, 2002
We're 'bout to head to Hobby Lobby and get some gold beads and red velvet and incense and build a little shrine around it. It's 'bout time I got some religion in my life. Monday, October 7, 2002
i was out of undywears so i snagged some of his boxer briefs. from the moment i slipped those bad boys on i was in heaven. no really, it was like heaven, cotton heaven. on my crotch. Monday, October 7, 2002
The real reason I'd hook up with a woman would be so I could say that I'd done it and hopefully impress someone with my sexual worldliness in the process. Monday, October 7, 2002
Please transport that hot ass of yours to my house tonight at 7 PM, Central Time. Please do not bother with minor details such as clothing. Monday, October 7, 2002
I’m guessing I was drawn into a combination dance-off/wrestling match at some point during the evening. Or dared to jump naked from the roof of my house and left in the yard all night. Whatever. Monday, October 7, 2002
I was instructed that should I ever write about him again that the words "wangitude", "prowess" and "stamina" must ALWAYS be included. Monday, October 7, 2002
And stop eating that Cherry flavored chapstick. Chapstick is not food. Monday, October 7, 2002
Crown & 7: not for pussies. Monday, October 7, 2002
My friend Sam is a little bitch and to prove it to him I superimposed his face onto a portly woman holding her boobies. Monday, October 7, 2002 |
DiscoDoug's band has a CD out, and Joey has reviewed it: 
Hey! Look! Sweet Jamie has set up the "12% BeerGarden"! It's a messageboard for anything and everything 12%! I've taken down the Guestbook TEMPORARILY, because I have to ween you alcoholics off of it. Go post on the new "12% BeerGarden". Pure Canuckian MonkeyLove, Flaming Moe |
