AnnFrank AnnieWaits CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn JamieStar Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Strip Mangus Naked & Smother Him & His Man-Harem With Melted Havarti! Joey The Skanky Ass- Whore Designs! Marn & Her MonkeyCheese! Know when 12% Updates! Diaryland Buddylists, LiveJournal Syndication and The 12% XML/RSS NewsFeed make it easy! More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove In Transition: The BeerMate Illustrations! Dear Chubby Asian American Kenny, Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, April 20, 2003 There are days that I have to remind myself that you're not here any more. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Sunday, April 20, 2003 I stayed up until 2AM last night trying to morph the bottoms of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume into a large slaughtered cow. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Sunday, April 20, 2003 I look like I got the pox or something. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, April 20, 2003 I can't do spell check so you'll have to deal with all of my grammadickal airrors. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, April 20, 2003 Does this come as a surprise to anyone? Yes? Well, come here and let me hold your hand while you KEEP THE FUCK UP WITH US. Okay? Open saintlouise's page in a new window Friday, April 18, 2003 I have this theory that if I don't actually touch the bills or acknowledge them as being mine by taking them in than I don't have to pay them. Open rudey's page in a new window Friday, April 18, 2003 Sometimes, misbehavin' is decidedly unsexy. Open fadein's page in a new window Friday, April 18, 2003 "I'm not a prostitute but I can give you whatchya want" Open mangus's page in a new window Friday, April 18, 2003 May's brother found a gallon can of pudding at the Super Walmart so now we have a challenge: finish that bitch in one day. Open mollyx's page in a new window Friday, April 18, 2003 "The classiest Hooters I've ever been to". Open sundry's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 Weetabix: Maybe you should ask Jamie Oliver to whip some up for you. Or maybe your MOM. Esteban: Is he really gay? Because… you know… clueless here. Weetabix: Offer to suck his dick and see what he says! Open weetabix's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 Depression… embrace it like a friend and maybe grope its ass a little. Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 So apparently you can use a tire patch kit to repair leaks in that sex doll you bought at a garage sale. Open marn's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 Busted by my own pet. I may have legs o' steel, but I continue to have abs o' marshmallow, which Zoe amply demonstrated. Open marn's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 Open msm's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 You know what would be really cool? If I were a zombie. I could snap off limbs and bitchslap people with them and I'd get to say "BRAAAAIIINNNSSS" more often. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 "Do you have a Tutu? or anything sparkly?" Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 Some random man came over and sleazed, "Say, what do you call those pants?" "Space pants, baby," I said, tossing back my Manhattan and blowing a perfect smoke ring his way. "Because my ass is outta this world." Open sundry's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 I'm totally freaking out now, of course. What if grandma craps on the plane? A baby's dirty diaper is one thing, but a soiled adult undergarment is a whoooole other bag of tricks. In fact, it's a much larger bag. Open skim's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 Well, my underwear now is all mountainy-fresh and stuff, so you may all rejoice. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 Don't you hate it when a piece of lint on your bedroom carpet starts imitating a grotesque bug of mutant proportions? Open saintlouise's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 Good lord, people. A naked Kiefer, all strung up by the hands and hanging there, just begging to have dirty things done to him. I taped it. Open rudey's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 “Wouldn’t it be fantastic if Douglas were to take off my pants with his teeth.” Open discothekid's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 I do not hate you or think that you're evil. Open fadein's page in a new window Thursday, April 17, 2003 My new nickname is Empress Daisy. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, April 16, 2003 You can get that whole Flash Dance thing going while you listen to the P. Funk All Stars and roll your nekkid body around in an assload of rich peoples’ cash! Open annfrank's page in a new window Wednesday, April 16, 2003 So yeah, even though the trip is many months away, I am already getting all kinds of excited. If I were a boy, I would totally have a Hollywood loaf working, 24/7. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, April 16, 2003 Just then, coworker Michael came into our office. He stared at the hedgehog, which suddenly had a furrowed look to its snout. Hedgehog poo was now emerging at an alarming rate. Open sundry's page in a new window Wednesday, April 16, 2003 I'm listening to Shirley Bassey quite loudly and doing laundry. I also just ate two bowls of Crispix. Why are my days off so simply marvelous??? Why I ask you...WHY?!?! Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, April 16, 2003 I'm runnin' on empty in the clean underwear department, and really, my co-workers don't need yet another reason to stay away from me... Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Tuesday, April 15, 2003 One magical ability and I’m concerning myself with something as stupid as my bra straps? Not levitation or X-ray vision or the ability to give my enemies hot dog fingers? Open weetabix's page in a new window Tuesday, April 15, 2003 Stupid finches and their need to get laid. Open marn's page in a new window Tuesday, April 15, 2003 Yes, it's been awhile since I've written a "real" entry. But hey! I gottsta work to make enough G's to buy me's da bling-bling. Open msm's page in a new window Tuesday, April 15, 2003 A car full of very nice boys elected one of their friends to graciously show us his ass. It was hairy and glowing white like bridal sheets. Yes, this was a highlight. Shut the fuck up. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, April 15, 2003 So, this is what having a fairy godmother is like. I always pictured her a bit more frumpy, and showcasing a lot less cleavage. Open tvzero's page in a new window Tuesday, April 15, 2003 When I was 5, I made my own porn magazine. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, April 15, 2003 I ate corn chowder for lunch. It had celery in it. The wind is blowin' sumpin fierce. I'm drowning in my own mucus. There are only cherry pies in the vending machine today. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 That's the sort of smackdown the government considered necessary to keep the bloodshed to a minimum. Open marn's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 Hi there. I'm the secret-agent hired by the 12% bartender who's going to go all medieval on M's ass if she don't start writing again soon. Of course, M would enjoy all that medieval-ass stuff a little TOO much, especially since I'm wearing a suit, and need a shave. Open msm's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 If that had failed, I was going to cry and show some man-tit. Open fadein's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 Speaking of whores… my friend said that I was “hot in a dorky way”. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 That's right. I have to go to COURT, on my daughter's BIRTHDAY, to deal with that DEADBEAT ASSHOLE. Open rudey's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 I blinked and contemplated jumping upon my desk and screaming "WANG" while exposing myself to the whole lot of them. Open mangus's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 Her presents included two Harry Potter books, two Matisse paintings, a Target gift certificate, some jewelry, and a cream filled penis lollipop. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 The water was open and clear. A few gulls played Battleship on the sand bar while the Canada Geese tried to convince them to play Stratego. The clouds were girls in pastel prom dresses twirling to Alphaville with awkward boys in white tuxedos. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, April 14, 2003 For reasons known only to himself, Zubby drools slightly when he is supremely happy. Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 "In this procedure, the cat's ovaries and uterus are removed and replaced with cheese" Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 Why do you think America never took such an active role in freeing the people in Africa during the Apartheid oppression where millions of Africans were suffering a tyranny much worse than the Iraqi people? Open discothekid's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 "We have Um Qasr. Behold the power of cheese." Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 He grabs his ass and gropes his crotch, And has to take testosterone shots. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 Those Crest WhiteStrips really work, but they're a fucking pain in the ass. You have to wear them twice a day for half an hour. Okay, so I put them on, and I'm instantly like regressed to middle school when I had headgear. Yeah, headgear. Open sundry's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 The DeathKat is a pussy...and has a pussy. My life shall never be the same again. Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 i'll let you fuck off. with emphasis. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 Even at the time, our love spanned the ages. Open rudey's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 I just spent the past twenty minutes reading my friend Tee's new zine. OK, so it only took about five minutes to read but that girl makes me think. And I did. Instead of showering like a good girl. Open mollyx's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 “Operation Mc-Muslim” is going relatively okie dokey as far as CNN is reporting. Open discothekid's page in a new window Sunday, April 13, 2003 I am just so damn irresistible and brilliant and we have a cute little gaggle of bespectacled and pasty geniuses, named like, Sylvia and Salinger... Open annfrank's page in a new window Saturday, April 12, 2003 Everyone, please make a mental note to yourselves to always stay cute. Thank you. Open fadein's page in a new window Saturday, April 12, 2003 ahh, yes. silly of me, i forgot about the family meeting we have to have about our new black and decker iron usage. doh! Open anniewaits's page in a new window Saturday, April 12, 2003 Why become a writer? I figure being a writer - well, it's vague enough that people will think I'm busy (when I'm not) and I've already got the requirements down: poor personal hygiene, unstable finances, overweight and generally unproductive. Open skim's page in a new window Saturday, April 12, 2003 Jen and I went out for lunch today and now I'm a clove of garlic. I should go make out with someone right now and offend them. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 When I wasn’t sleeping, I was coughing, blowing my nose, and overmedicating myself. I polished off a box of tissues and half a box of Sudafed; if I keep up at this rate by the end of the week I’ll be able to build a tiny fort out of all my excess cardboard. Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 Some people are not easy to forget. They are like bright, shiny objects that you can be miles away from and still see them flashing off in the distance. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 They look like small piles of tan mush. They fry them so deeply that their crust is nearly half an inch thick, and they're covered with enough tasty glaze to give your unborn children diabetes. Open fadein's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 I just wanted a more valid excuse to skip class than “I got lost in this maze of hallways and ended up smoking pot in the sophomore bathroom.” Open tvzero's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 I really shouldn't be updating right now. Instead, I should be in bed and dreaming about sexy men with very rhythmic tongues. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 They're lucky I don't require the sacrafice of a young sweaty virgin anymore. I must say that people seem to be alot happier with my "Let's make out on the couch" policy nowadays. Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 I think we can all agree that me being a penis free zone is probably for the best. Open marn's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 Note: the following Recapped Incident involves nothing exciting whatsoever so if you're hoping for Vin Diesel type action or perhaps some hot buttered PORN, I'm sorry. Open sundry's page in a new window Thursday, April 10, 2003 Every spring when it’s Daylight Saving Day, I get a glimpse of the plight of the black man. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 Firstly, we have all the stuff of life. The work, the commute, the chores, the laundry, the SARS. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 "Try me. You'll like me." Open saintlouise's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 I’ll never forget the day I met Nathan for the first time. It was pouring outside and I was so depressed. I felt like the first seven Cure albums had all ganged up on me to kick my ass. Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 I now must have the Man-Harem form into an organized line so they may all grope me and feel my minty smoothness. Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 The spikey, strawberry blonde hair, the tight black t-shirt tucked into the black jeans that make his ass look so hot he's liable to put someone in a coma if he bends over. Open rudey's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 It's not like I was showing up with a chainsaw and a bloody hockey mask, out for revenge. Open fadein's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 Anyway, I think I'm going to make some shirts tomorrow. I have been meaning to make one that says "I eat dick for breakfast" and I kinda have a good idea for that one. I'm also going to make a shirt for the Hardcore Camping Trip. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 Several of us tried to put them in a compromising position together, because when you've got two life size cardboard figures in the same room that is CLEARLY the only course of action to take. Open sundry's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 " Hi there, I'm Ms-M and this is my bum. I'm mooning the 12% Bartender because he keeps bugging me to write. What an ogre he is! Open msm's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 Perhaps I’ll rewrite my will so that my roommates are buried alive with me. Who’s going to deny the wishes of a dying man? No one! That’s who. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, April 9, 2003 Katie Couric. Talking about her rectum. At Kmart. Open weetabix's page in a new window Tuesday, April 8, 2003 These are permanent words, the ones that many read. The book I held was from the library, and was obviously worn thin, with its spine cracked and some pages stained. I wondered how many had felt the words before me. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Tuesday, April 8, 2003 Instead of dissolving into a viscous mass of seething goo, it had kind of dehydrated into this very odd shape. I saved it to show the spousal unit. Open marn's page in a new window Tuesday, April 8, 2003 When you think about it...they were probably having moist nasty-ass tantric amphibian butt sex. Open mangus's page in a new window Tuesday, April 8, 2003 Did I ever mention how I've cleaned up blood three times since I started working at the library? No? Well, I have. The most recent was some spatter on a book of Sylvia Plath poems. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, April 8, 2003 We need him curled up in the fetal position and crying like a little girl before we can make a move. Open tvzero's page in a new window Tuesday, April 8, 2003 1. Grandma - Hands down. I don't care who you are, if you mess with Grandma, talk trash about Grandma, I will rip your intestines through your throat and feed you to insects that will devour your body from the inside out. Open skim's page in a new window Tuesday, April 8, 2003 JB, who ate even more than I did, was paying for it this morning. Behind the closed bathroom door, he mournfully sang the lyrics from a Johnny Cash song: "And it burns burns burns…the ring of fire…the ring of fire." Open sundry's page in a new window Tuesday, April 8, 2003 The kid wallows in his own filth and would probably lick his own balls if he could. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, April 7, 2003 You have now made it possible for people to think about you and wonder what the hell is wrong with you. You have, however briefly, crossed into Psycho Land. Open fadein's page in a new window Monday, April 7, 2003 Something about the sound of her name tickles my funny bone. Just saying the words "Dordi Nordby" makes me grin. Yes, I am that mature. Open marn's page in a new window Monday, April 7, 2003 The phone replied, rather indignantly, "Blinkyblinkyvibrate." Open saintlouise's page in a new window Monday, April 7, 2003 A big sexy Russian guy talked to me! Tom Petty! I fucking saw some baby ducks! I FUCKING LOVE BABY DUCKS. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, April 7, 2003 Open mangus's page in a new window Monday, April 7, 2003 The world was conspiring against me to make sure that I did not partake in the goodness that was the ancient Popeye cartoons. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, April 7, 2003 when you're standing around sort of pointing and laughing and wondering who the shit needs enough Crisco to slather every guest at the Playboy Mansion, sure enough, someone will trundle by hauling their jumbo Crisco can along with a dolly. Open sundry's page in a new window Sunday, April 6, 2003 Men and women alike were slicing open their fingers and loosing appendages all over the place. They threw down the traditional scissors in contempt and yelled all sorts of profanities. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, April 6, 2003 This is not my problem, so I could stand my ground and say "No...this is my day off" And go about my regular day, prancing about the house and being sassy. Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, April 6, 2003 "I just ate that, and it smells like fish! It never used to smell like fish!" Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Sunday, April 6, 2003 They're pretty crafty for a bunch of buttlickers. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, April 6, 2003 I love adults who think they can give me shit because I'm 30 years younger than them. Do they not know that I will destroy them like I destroy all others? Apparently not. Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, April 6, 2003 You can thank Ms-M for this annoying bitch of a Bunny Graphic! Yay! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK LadeeLeroy Lee-Starnes Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!