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Is that you beggin' for our Love & Affection? News of the Beer 12% is decorated for Valentine's Day. This is the html version of some damn sexy undergarments, so try not to lick the screen without protection, ya dig? Know as soon as 12% updates by adding twelvebeer to your buddylist (if you're on DLand) like These Sexy MoFos, or partake in our foxilicious NewsFeed! - 12%Diaryland - FreeBeerLovers - Archives - FAQs - BeerMates = Foxy Bitches! - Buttons! - BeerGarden MessageBoard! - Pitas! - Dland! - XML/RSS Newsfeed "Wait- there's a NINJA, in this PARK, that attacks GAY PEOPLE?" Open rudey's page in a new window Friday, February 14, 2003 I looked and looked, but there wasn't a single card on the racks that used the endearment "fartblossom". Open marn's page in a new window Friday, February 14, 2003 And I then I almost crashed the Monte, because I was laughing at the sheer comedic genius that exists in the word “poopy”. Open weetabix's page in a new window Friday, February 14, 2003 I guess I can't deny the pulse-pounding excitement that can come from the occurrence of weather that is windless, silent, and rather on the moist-ish side. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Friday, February 14, 2003 Open sundry's page in a new window Friday, February 14, 2003 My brother did something crafty to his engine to make the jeep go really fast. However, his speakers were still factory stock. My brother's priorities are clearly fucked up. Open discothekid's page in a new window Friday, February 14, 2003 Apparently, the airlines are managed by a guy called Crazy Eddie and at these prices, you’d be crazy to not go to San Francisco. Open weetabix's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 There were no Royales anywhere. Not even 'Royale Bathroom Tissue', which is something that you can never have too much of, let me tell you. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 We're planning to head to our neighborhood sushi place (that doesn't take reservations), sit at the bar, and drink sake and eat sushi until we have to be carried out with forklifts. Sexy, no? Grrowr! Open sundry's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 I was tossing and turning and everything felt like it was collapsing in on itself...kinda like a black hole, but not nearly as cool. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 "You will NOT be a squishy muffin. Do you hear me? No squishy muffins allowed. Do you want me to eat you or not?" Open saintlouise's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 I wonder if I'm going to have to wear large dark sunglasses and hide behind a menu when my mother and I go on our scope out mission. Open rudey's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 The damn cat was trying to suckle on my chest. Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 I know I haven’t dated anyone in a while but last I checked you don’t start off kissing somebody by sticking out your tongue and licking their face. Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 Dude, it feels like I have rug burn on my knees. And the only explanation I can think of is that I've been sleep-whoring again. Great. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, February 13, 2003 If I want to take an escalator instead of an elevator or I can’t hide in the closet when your husband comes home, please understand. Open tvzero's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 So I got "shaved down a bit" and now I look very much how I did before except a little bit more civilized and less bushy. Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 I'm warning you people right now: this entry contains information on my yearly, womanly physical. If you're squeamish…well, why the HELL are you reading my diary, anyway? Good crap on a stick… Open saintlouise's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 Sadly, the cat is so totally self-involved that she is not thinking about MY needs at all and she spews at will. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 Anyone who secures me employment will also be eligible for grilled chicken. Open fadein's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 All it takes is the simple application of a Wet Willy. I have to be careful with its usage though, he threatened to give me a naked lap dance if I ever did it again… Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 Who gives a crap about Batman? George Clooney can eat balls. Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 I'm the mother everyone in the waiting room hates. Open rudey's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 1) It's Gwyneth Paltrow. 2) Gwyneth Paltrow. 3) Gwyneth fucking Paltrow. 4) IT'S GWYNETH PALTROW. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 I'm not a total wax-addict FREAK or anything, but when it looks like your privates are being attacked by a wolverine, or possibly a chow chow dog, you just might want to consider a little delicate pruning. Open sundry's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 If you can't be Kinky in Helsinki, I defy you to be kinky anyplace else in the world. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, February 12, 2003 Your friends begin to cry because they know that you are about to sacrifice your life for them, just like Jesus, but in another sort of way. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Tuesday, February 11, 2003 michael moore could have an audience of hundreds of million people which is a scarier thought than anything else. Open tvzero's page in a new window Tuesday, February 11, 2003 I see this young guy wearing all white and khaki watching me with that weird look that either means he will say "Don't I know you?" or ask me to read a story he's been carrying around. I'm like, oh shit. Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, exude unapproachable evil, blah blah blah. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, February 11, 2003 I forgot to brag that I made the Dean’s List. What that means is that I’m a genius and the dean of the school wants to have my babies. Open thecritic's page in a new window Tuesday, February 11, 2003 "Do you know anyone single for my friend, here?" Open rudey's page in a new window Tuesday, February 11, 2003 Whenever it gets stupidly cold like this, my Inner Squirrel is unleashed and I find myself wanting to jam just about everything in sight into my mouth. Open marn's page in a new window Tuesday, February 11, 2003 My wife has a cousin that will probably slap the shit out of me if she ever catches wind of this tale. Are you getting the idea that my wife has a lot of relatives? It’s true. She was raised in a kennel. Open discothekid's page in a new window Tuesday, February 11, 2003 Open msm's page in a new window Monday, February 10, 2003 I can just see her in her late twenties, writing a tell-all novel, "Mommy Dearest: The Beached, Comatose Whale Years." Open saintlouise's page in a new window Monday, February 10, 2003 Had I been alone in the gym, I would have pounded my chest and made territorial gorilla sounds right after I finished. Open marn's page in a new window Monday, February 10, 2003 I'm not asking for Orlando Bloom (not to be confused with Orlando Jones, as Becca is wont to do), but attraction is important. Open rudey's page in a new window Monday, February 10, 2003 "He's from FINLAND!!!! FINNISH!! AAAAH!!". Open mangus's page in a new window Monday, February 10, 2003 I guess make-out noises are like a dog whistle to me. I can hear them from miles around. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, February 10, 2003 "How to lose a guy in ten days? I need to learn how to keep one longer than 10 minutes!" Open msm's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 Maybe I do have the capacity to enjoy naked people being pelted with bananas, I just haven't tapped into it yet. Open sundry's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 Now my entire windshield was comparable to a stained-glass piece of art done by some artist obsessed with fecal matter and blessed with a NEA Grant. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 If my college was prison and strength was determined by Uno-playing ability, they would totally be my bitches right now. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 But did I mention all the bloody buttplugs hanging from the ceiling dripping their butty blood into our drinks? Oh...and blatant hatred of all things Jewish? Open fufu's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 Funny how sometimes, when people are scared, the only thing they can do is clutch their little plastic cups full of cheap, domestic beer...and dance. Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, February 9, 2003 You can now "Syndicate" 12% by using our new RSS NewsFeed! This brings 12% updates directly to your desktop through a small piece of "newsfeed" software available through sites such as FeedReader or Headline News! (Both are free!) 12% on your desktop! Imagine the unfettered MonkeyLove! IF THIS CONFUSES YOU, AS IT DID THE 12% MONKEYS, WE WILL HELP YOU SET THIS UP! LEAVE A MESSAGE ON THE GUESTBOOK (ON LEFT) OR EMAIL US AND WE'LL HOOK YOU UP! Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!