AdWhore AnnFrank BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Motherlode Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

BEERGEAR! Buy This Shit Right Now! (discuss!) Is Diaryland Worth 8 cents A Day? You Bet Your Ass It Is! Go Buy a GOLD MEMBERSHIP! Know when 12% Updates! DiaryLand/LiveJournal/XML NewsFeed More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove OK, OK. Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean. Johnny Depp in eyeliner. Calm blue ocean. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, July 21, 2003 Trust me, when a mole grows a tiny hand, which later flips you the bird in the mirror? It's the cancer. Open skim's page in a new window Sunday, July 20, 2003 Times Weetabix used the term “ball sac”: 5 Open weetabix's page in a new window Sunday, July 20, 2003 But it was fun to people-watch, and fun to ride the monorail on such a pretty day, and fun to eat a laundry-basket sized portion of strawberry shortcake. Open sundry's page in a new window Sunday, July 20, 2003 i've had a few wankers in my day, but i have no idea if they were hulking. Open adwhore's page in a new window Sunday, July 20, 2003 There are people in China who would kill to be me. Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, July 20, 2003 Whenever the universe deigns to pay even the slightest attention to me, that attention appears to mostly consist of a very loud THHHHPPPPPPPTTTTTT. Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, July 20, 2003 There are just so many things I don’t know. Like you know how you can enter an old person’s house and it smells like old people. When old people enter other old people’s houses do they think it smells like old people? And at what age do you start smelling like an old person? And what is that smell anyway? Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, July 20, 2003 I no longer have a horrible case of "squishy muscle." And if you're unfamiliar with squishy muscle, then you've probably never had it and you can bite a nut. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Sunday, July 20, 2003 After my workout I motored into the village where I shop. First stop the drugstore. As I walked through the door I thought to myself, "I've got to get Q---oooh, look, Tide is on sale!" Open marn's page in a new window Saturday, July 19, 2003 How many people can say that their personal lord and savior comes over for Enchiladas? Or that they can talk to thier personal lord and savior on AOL? Not many, I'll tell you that right now. Open mangus's page in a new window Saturday, July 19, 2003 Money is for computer parts and video games, not hair care. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Saturday, July 19, 2003 I am the reason they keep pumping out every variant on the reality theme they can conjure, possibly taking enormous hits off giant crack pipes to help the creative process. Open sundry's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 for the millionth time, i wanna be canadian. Open adwhore's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 Oh, yeah. I've heard that plastic surgery tends to throw off a person's ability to rip her clothes off to music. Open saint-louise's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 The boss: "There IS a plan that we are putting together right now. I'd like to say what it is... but I really just can't. Just trust me, though... it's a very good plan." Open jwalker's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 Last night I received a sign. Open halee's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 Now I want a team of homos to come make over my dad. They’d need the entire population of San Francisco for such an undertaking, but I defy them to do it! If you’re reading this Bravo Network bring it, I said, “BRING. IT!” Open thecritic's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 In two episodes, they’ve painted, decluttered, taken down a unibrow, explained about why men should not wear pleats unless they weigh 120 pounds (hallelujah!), given praise to wooden hangers, and gave lessons how to make lavosh. Open weetabix's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 Oh my god, there's a freaking ton of estrogen here. Open jamiestar's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 Yeah, you wish you were as cool as me. I know. I'll let you have some time to formulate marriage proposals and control the rampant envy you feel boiling up in your chest. Open mollyx's page in a new window Friday, July 18, 2003 hey! yesterday while i was at work, someone slashed the front tire on my huffy. my huffy! i had to walk to the train station (gasp!). sadly, ringing my bell endlessly did nothing to ease my sorrow. Open adwhore's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 I'll take pictures anyway and see if I can get Nakia to sigh my boobs. Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 "Dude, ME TOO! There is going to be a VERY large photo of me on the website if I get it." I yelled "Looking hot!" I added. "Fuckin' buck naked! Legs over your head!!" shouted Nick. "Damn straight!" I exclaimed as we high-fived each other. Open jwalker's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 I am blessed with a head full of thick, fast-growing black hair, which I love, and I love to toss my hair around, shouting orgasmically like I'm in an Herbal Essences commercial. Open motherlode's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 "You my nigga!" Open fadein's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 I learned that suppressing rage will only lead me to take an extra ten minutes for my break to smoke cigarettes in the park and try not to vomit. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 Thank The Powers That Be that he’s a homosexual and won’t be procreating any time soon. The world’s all stocked up on crazy. Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 My new microwave disses me. My new microwave feels it is the boss of me. We Are Locked In A Power Struggle. It is not pretty. Open marn's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 Who has the shiniest face in all the land? I do, I do! Open sundry's page in a new window Thursday, July 17, 2003 i can't link it or else my boss will find it then kill and eat me. so copy this link and paste it in your browser, you lazy bastard. http://www.eros-guide.com/articles/2003-07-15/transfer/ Open adwhore's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 Enjoyment may or may not entail you holding on to your pants for dear life. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I've taken to omitting the portion of the ritual where I merely sit up in bed, looking for all I'm worth like I've risen from the crypt, and then sitting there for several moments with my eyes half-shut, contemplating lying back down and insisting mentally that work should not-very-delicately screw itself. With a large, sharply-angled object. Hopefully covered in spikes. I've come a long way. Open saint-louise's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 Look, I distinctly remember that there was a time that you could buy a bag of potatoes and they would never, ever go bad. I mean, you could practically hand potatoes down from mother to daughter. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I have never in my life wanted to be a bald old Jewish man more than I have lately. Open fadein's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I'm watching Saved By the Bell at 11am on a Wednesday morning. Open rudey's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I drew a very lovely sign for the men using big Tonka trucks to tear up the road next to our house. I taped it in my dining room window, so they could look at it all day. It said “Love you!” and there was a picture. Only instead of the word “love”, I used a different word. And I think what I drew broke the laws of some southern states. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I don’t want to be a busty man-lady. That might float some people’s boats but that ship doesn’t sail here. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 No way! Please excuse the messy cardboard boxes. That's where unsorted papers sleep like bums in a parking lot. Open halee's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 My cat called me a pretentious asshole. Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I got a new bunny. Her name is Oreo and she's a dwarf. I did not name her Oreo, but that's what her previous owner called her and she hasn't been responding to Hydrox or Stinky, so I guess we're stuck. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I never got to share a dorm room or write a penthouse letter about my sexy asian professor. Open tvzero's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I wouldn't want people to come to my diary and see a short entry and think "Fuck...there's not enough here for me to jerk off to". So here...start wacking... Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 Reese's Pieces are quite possibly the best candy on the face of the earth. You know that part in the Bible where Jesus turns water to wine? That's utter crap. He turned water into Reese's Pieces. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 Being in a birdcage with various people shaking the hell out of it is scary. Try it sometime! Open jwalker's page in a new window Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I hate digging graves that’s just too reminiscent of gardening and I’m not old enough to find that enjoyable. Open thecritic's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 I love my Supergold membership. Not only is it very shiny, but it allows me to get comments from my three loyal readers! Open marn's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 My hair is shorter than it's ever been! I. Hate. It. I look like a wacked out Q-Tip. Open ms-m's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 I'm usually OK with being on my own, but I'm kinda sorta nervous and I can't ask strangers to calm me down by making out with me. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 Honestly, I don’t often wonder if he’s not going for the first Canadian nominated for sainthood, because I’m pretty sure that Diaryland has changed lives. Every day, it’s out there inspiring people, making people talk, making them listen. Making them think. Open weetabix's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 I got scared of it becoming sentient somehow, maybe through radioactive waste seepage, and one night lurching to life under a cold bright moon, cackling its wet laugh, heading to the single pane of light from our bedroom...driven by the force of a thousand poops! Open sundry's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 My mother has been known to reach across desks and grab school principals by the tie and scream in their face so loud and hard that she has left a sheen of spittle in her wake. Open rudey's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 I got scared of it becoming sentient somehow, maybe through radioactive waste seepage, and one night lurching to life under a cold bright moon, cackling its wet laugh, heading to the single pane of light from our bedroom...driven by the force of a thousand poops! Open sundry's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 My mother has been known to reach across desks and grab school principals by the tie and scream in their face so loud and hard that she has left a sheen of spittle in her wake. Open rudey's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 My mother has been known to reach across desks and grab school principals by the tie and scream in their face so loud and hard that she has left a sheen of spittle in her wake. Open rudey's page in a new window Tuesday, July 15, 2003 A plastic cup that I keep carrying around everywhere I go, because it makes me feel like I'm at a kegger. Open halee's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 wanna hear how gay we are? we're so fucking flaming that i bought her a mitre saw for her birthday. a 12" compound goddamn mitre saw. Open adwhore's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 Will someone use this entry as a resource for their psychological profile when I am committed? Will I someday get arrested when I ram some guy throwing his cigarette butt out the window of his car, like the entire world was his damn ashtray? Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 The idiot population of the world will increase at least tenfold! Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 Open discothekid's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 Words like “I’m sorry” aren’t really in my vernacular. Words like “cocksucker,” “retro,” “flavored,” “creased,” “number one with a bullet,” “opening box office numbers,” “free internet porn,” and “starring julianne moore,” are – but “I’m sorry,” notsomuch. Open tvzero's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 They don't act like normal kids. They just sit there instead of playing or even watching TV. You offer them something and they just look at you, but snotty, like, "we don't *need* your apple juice." Open motherlode's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 Over the past several hours, there was some weird stress orgy, probably involving radioactive goo and now I have SUPER CRAZY STRESS. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 Taking a long, clear look into my mind is a lot like staring into an abyss of dementia so pure that your eyes will probably explode. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Monday, July 14, 2003 Yeah, dude, she kinda nasty. I wouldn't hit that. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Sunday, July 13, 2003 I swam around and tried not to defile the pool by farting. God knows what that would do if forced into your bloodstream. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, July 13, 2003 Today marks the 9th anniversary of me being on "Modern Rock Live" and asking Lisa Loeb what color her dress was in the video for "Stay". Poor girl. Open biensoul's page in a new window Sunday, July 13, 2003 Yes, I just complimented your boobies in front of your husband. If you notice me limping later, it might be due to my enormous set of balls. Open weetabix's page in a new window Sunday, July 13, 2003 There's nothing quite like trying to hoist oneself on a keg floating in a pool to the sound of all one's drunk buddies goading one on, is there? Open biensoul's page in a new window Sunday, July 13, 2003 Our Dog is, sadly, a no-trick pony, unless you count the thing where she rolls around on her back peddling her feet in the air while making loud grunting sounds, and then JB and I clap loudly and yell "PIG SOUNDS!" Open sundry's page in a new window Sunday, July 13, 2003 EXTREME PAIN BOWL--This is a game that the Shore Boys invented; play at your next party for guaranteed laughs and drunkeness! Open biensoul's page in a new window Sunday, July 13, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! DIARIST.NET NOMINATION REMINDER BOX HOLY SMACK!! THE NOMINATIONS ARE OPEN RIGHT NOW! SUBMIT YOUR NOMINATIONS BEFORE JULY 15TH!!! Best Account of a Public or News Event: MARN Best Comedic Entry: SAINT-LOUISE Best Rant: SUNDRY Outstanding Entry: WEETABIX Best Writing: ANN_FRANK Best Design: KELLYK Best Design: KELLYK Best Journal (Overall): SUNDRY WEETABIX Do you think other BeerMate entries deserve recognition? LET US KNOW, YO! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!