AdWhore AnnFrank BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

88% of everything is crap. The rest is worth drinking for. Know when 12% Updates! DLand/LJ/NewsFeed More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove okay, point being, i try to maintain a somewhat healthy diet (minus the 4 gallons of daily booze intake) even if my hungover, grumpy, bashful, sleepy, sneezy, dopey ass craves that greasy goodness. Open adwhore's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 Early yesterday morning, I stumbled out into the living room, bleary-eyed and shirtless. It was much like my appearance on 'Cops.' Open fadein's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 Nukezilla, our behemoth of a microwave, passed away Tuesday while in the middle of reheating a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs for the spousal unit. Open marn's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 I hope you can forgive me and still find it in your heart to invite me to your treehouse birthday party. I'll bring root beer and a family-friendly pornographic video - no penetration shots. I totally pinky promise. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 Anyway, I finally heard from the play dude regarding my play. First, he said no cussing. 'Aight. I can fucking dig that. Open mollyx's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 I would like my hair cut because it needs it and yes, my eyebrows are thick and my, please wax my lip, and yes, I am going to a funeral, wrap it up. Open biensoul's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 Who knew that Mr. Sweet-'n-Innocent 15 year old was grow up to be one kinky bastard who liked to get it on the front steps for all the world to see? Open mangus's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 I'm scared to death of funerals because I'm tempted to say the wrong things. I'm scared to death of "lightening the mood"; not intentionally, but that's just because it's the way I am. Open biensoul's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 I can't even describe the sweet, sweet power I felt coursing through my veins while shooting those puppies. It fucking RULED! The sheer, unadulterated POWER! Made me feel like I had a penis! Open jwalker's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 We ain’t in a classy store like Target, you can’t just go bad mouthin’ welfare in these parts. Open thecritic's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 When dating a hunk-a-hunk of burnin' love I don't become a psycho on wheels. Open msm's page in a new window Friday, June 20, 2003 is it not enough that my commute is larger, my bosses are assier and my computers have become shitola pc's? but you take away my naptime too? Open adwhore's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 So it's raining. Again. And I'm too sneezy to read or bake some muffins. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 "MISTER HANDSOME PANTS," I scream, "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?!" Open rudey's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 Damn it, Rebecca...I forgot to go to the custard place! Open halee's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 It rained all day. A lot of worms came out and were eaten by a duck. Noisily. And with glee. I laughed and laughed, but then I went ew. Because that is how it is when observing poultry. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 The flight to the coast is long like a summer car trip in the back of a stationwagon with wood grain on the side. And the dog just farted. And Dad? He has had ENOUGH. Open weetabix's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 I have bright red hair and I will be wearing a very tacky aqua colored t-shirt that reads GRAND MARSHALL! Yeah, that would be me. In all fairness it does match my eyes. Open discothekid's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 It is not news that we live in a world Where beauty is unexplainable And suddenly ruined And has its own routines. Open biensoul's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 Though the answer seemed fairly obvious, the LAPD just sat there licking their dicks and doing nothing. Open tvzero's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 I’d totally be the mom with the cigarette dangling from her lips while she’s all buttoning up the kid’s uniform shirt on the field. “Don’t let ‘em give you any shit, sweetie.” Open annfrank's page in a new window Thursday, June 19, 2003 Editor’s Note: Genitalia not drawn to scale. Open thecritic's page in a new window Wednesday, June 18, 2003 I can't even BELIEVE how nice everyone was. Being drunk and hot at an airport RULES! I highly recommend it. [be sure and read this entry to find pictures of Jess's ASS! The pics are truly hilarious!] Open jwalker's page in a new window Wednesday, June 18, 2003 It's too dangerous of a situation get involved wit 'n I'm opting out, know what I'm sayin'? Mista, know what I'm sayin'? Bickerson is an adult n' shit. She can stick wit tha dude's ass or brizzle can get dump da drunk, know what I'm sayin'? Open msm's page in a new window Wednesday, June 18, 2003 Good Lord, if we straight people have had to suffer through marriage for eons, it's only fair that the homos know the same pain. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, June 18, 2003 I'm also so (dare I use the word "fucking"? yes..I dare) FUCKING excited to get to go to New York for awhile that I think I might lose all bladder control and spray the room down with urine. Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, June 18, 2003 I think my dog is allergic to God. Later on I plan on dragging the little pagan up to the bathroom and christening her in the bathtub, then maybe she won’t be so adverse to our Lord. Open thecritic's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 Imagine the HTML equivalent of a carefully constructed house of cards tumbling in all directions. Links flung apart and dangling pitifully, scores of missing images, pages that obstinately refuse to load. Unfuckingreal. Open sundry's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 This summer will be my summer of adventure, intrigue, and LOVE. Mark my words, a summer to remember. This summer I will be glad to be me. Open biensoul's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 It would’ve been nice to catch a little “As the World Turns” but I pretty much blacked out at noon. Now I’ll never know if Carly had her baby. Open tvzero's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 Maybe if they served them with a lot of mashed potatoes and gravy, and a cheesecake on the side? Open saintlouise's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 I've mentioned here before that I was an extraordinarily fat child, yes? Yes. Open fadein's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 woo hoo! the album i did with this guy has been picked up by spundae, so mass distribution to follow! then of course, a life a ladies, drugs, booze and sleeplessness. but wait, i already got dat azz! aw yeah. Open adwhore's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 Anyway, I'm back! And I want you all to know that I am a better person. Except for the increase in smoking, drinking and fat intake? I'm seriously a better person. Open skim's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 This morning, I find a reply from him waiting for me. I brace myself since criticism is sometimes like a very thorny plant that pokes you a lot and opened the email. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 My fingers are croassed, and I really have no doubt that they would want to hire him seeing that he worked at BORDERS for so long and is so disgustingly wonderful. Open mangus's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 That's just the kind of guy my dad is: funny, jolly, and appreciative of a pie in the face or a kick in the junk (not his own, mind you, but other people's). Open biensoul's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 No gays! I’m gayless here. I need a homo; one that’ll come to my house and tell me that I smell nice or my clothes don’t match. That would be perfection. Open thecritic's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 Well, a few hours later I realized the power of cheese coupled with mass quantities of fiber. Oh, did I EVER realize it. Open marn's page in a new window Tuesday, June 17, 2003 Yeah, I forgot to hire the stripping monkeys. It was my responsibility, as I am the "Best Man" (tell your friends), but wouldn't you know it, all the stripping monkeys were already booked for that weekend. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 It's a cool idea to have a roller coaster on the tippy top of a tall tower, but it seriously didn't DO anything. No dips, no loops, and it went about a half a mile an hour. Much better is the Canyon Blaster inside Circus Circus...my back was sore for days, so you know it was good. Open halee's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 I think the lack of parties in my life comes from the fact that expectations, to me, are like small, yapping dogs. Rabid dogs. With bad breath. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 All roads lead to pork. It kills me. It truly does. Sometimes I think I’m broken. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 Bock, bock, ba-caw.... Open halee's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 It's not like something happened that exceeds my ability to transcribe or I have some major confession that entails a brilliant choice of words to soften the blow for you, the reader, and me, the writer. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 "I think Sundry wants to go to the dog park." Open sundry's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 Well… I always thought a constitutional meant getting up in the morning and taking a dump. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 Your nipples have gone Spinal Tap? Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 "last year we had a jungle theme. here's an engraved photo album of it." [their tent is surrounded by stuffed giraffes.] Open adwhore's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 I’m still bitter that I never got to wear the white birthday Minnie Mouse ears in Kindergarten. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 K often refers to me as “his gay friend who had acquired an awful cock allergy.” Open discothekid's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 "But Weetabix," you say, "what about all those hot drunk boys who put stickers in your cleavage?" Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 You fucking prick. Do you really have nothing better to do? I hope you die with a tack hammer lodged in your ass. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 There has been a setback of sorts, in that Tilly is now insisting we may only trap the human temporarily, as she is Tilly's only source of sustenance. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 I definitely win any "my dad is cooler than your dad" contest, hands down. Our father-daughter movie is "Animal House", for cripes' sakes! Open biensoul's page in a new window Monday, June 16, 2003 In fact, I'm still traumatized. I feel cheap and dirty and betrayed. I need a shower. Just writing about it has made me feel dirty all over again. Open weetabix's page in a new window Sunday, June 15, 2003 On the outside, I'm this soft-spoken, white-haired middle-aged woman. On the inside I'm this wild child with too many piercings, too much black eyeliner and a habit of cracking her gum. Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, June 15, 2003 Did you get that shit? My fortune cookie says I'm charming. Open mollyx's page in a new window Sunday, June 15, 2003 "Will we have to play it while we're having sex?" Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, June 15, 2003 I'm still thinking about that morning with you in Cocoa Beach and the night we stayed up 'til dawn, drinking gin and playing poker and the ride to camp where we didn't stop talking for longer than the length of a really good song on the radio. Open mollyx's page in a new window Sunday, June 15, 2003 My sociology teacher is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, trapped inside an enigma, crammed into the body of a 50 year old alcoholic. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, June 15, 2003 I know a few of you are hoping that I will now tell another fart story....but I shan't. Sorry to let you down, but something even more horrible about my dark past was exposed today... Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, June 15, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! DIARIST.NET NOMINATION REMINDER BOX Best Account of a Public or News Event: Marn Do you think other BeerMate entries deserve recognition? Email 12% about it! 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