AdWhore AnnFrank AnnieWaits BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DLand Faves LiveJournal NewsFeed More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove He looked at my chest and whimpered. I kid you not. He whimpered. It was like I was taking away his favorite toy. And then I realized that yes, it was exactly like I was taking away his favorite toy. Open weetabix's page in a new window about weetabix. Saturday, May 17, 2003 And now, a cool scene that could have been done in The Matrix: Reloaded utilizing the talents of John Ritter: Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Saturday, May 17, 2003 It was, I think, one of the best educational experiences I've ever had. I hope for them it was, too. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Saturday, May 17, 2003 I imagine we'll compare our significant other's penises (peni?) to each other as well. That's what girls do when they get together, you know! Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Saturday, May 17, 2003 Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Saturday, May 17, 2003 There’s nothing more satisfying than that one solitary finger. It’s the only part of my body that I would consider getting a prosthetic for if it ever fell off or got severed. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Saturday, May 17, 2003 It is just one of the many benign consequences of public journaling, like weird "fan mail" from 13 year old Canadians. Open fadein's page in a new window about fadein. Saturday, May 17, 2003 i don't much care about the smoking, but those tight pants highlighting your filthy ass man bulge? Open adwhore's page in a new window about adwhore. Saturday, May 17, 2003 Your diet coke is so minty now. It brings you fresh wintery breath with each new sip. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Friday, May 16, 2003 $11,000 is a LOT to pay for a dental surgery. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Friday, May 16, 2003 Broke up with him the next day, though, because when he wasn't checking the oil in the car... I wasn't the LEAST bit attracted to him. Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Friday, May 16, 2003 And now I must, as I occasionally do, address the universe. The tone will be that of indignation and justified annoyance. Open fadein's page in a new window about fadein. Thursday, May 15, 2003 stand up, be replaced; sit down and don't say anything, you'll be shit on. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Thursday, May 15, 2003 Must be the Criterion Collection version and NOT the regular version, I spit on the regular version. Open halee's page in a new window about halee. Thursday, May 15, 2003 "Yeah, that movie was good, but it seemed like it was missing something." I bet it didn't have John Ritter in it. That's what was missing. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Thursday, May 15, 2003 Instead of just saying “Oh, I have a little page where I talk about boobs and farts”, I can say “I’m a freelance web writer.” It’s all about the PR. Open weetabix's page in a new window about weetabix. Thursday, May 15, 2003 The kind people at the hospital could have at least had the courtesy of giving her HEAVY HEAVY painkillers or some type of surgical gauze to pack her mouth shut with. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Thursday, May 15, 2003 Actually, I should amend that. Not all of me is insanely attractive to dogs. For some reason only known to the world of dogs, my groinal region is the fido equivalent of catnip. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Thursday, May 15, 2003 I call him Gollum because I picture his life outside of work to be a cold dark place where he plots the mental anguish of my co-workers and I. Open discothekid's page in a new window about discothekid. Thursday, May 15, 2003 I'm really in the mood to watch some crazy Kung-Fu ass-kicking. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Thursday, May 15, 2003 "Ooh, look at me, I played Quake all day - I'm, like, BRILLIANT!" Open sundry's page in a new window about sundry. Thursday, May 15, 2003 We yanked out those massive mirrored closet doors (because, really, who wants to look at us??) Open cuppajoe's page in a new window about cuppajoe. Thursday, May 15, 2003 My students made me a "Clean Desk Award" for finally cleaning my desk yesterday. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 From now on, when people are all "You have horrible posture!" I can reply softly "I have scoliosis." and then they can feel bad for me. And maybe give me a sweet. Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 Just now I went to push in the chairs in 3 Small, and there was a large paperclip sitting on the table. Open halee's page in a new window about halee. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 i was kinda hazy for a few days and i didn't pee for like two days straight while my body absorbed it's newly found delicious electrolytes, but now i’m back to bouncing off the walls. hit it! Open adwhore's page in a new window about adwhore. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 I suspect I may have been dropped on my head as a child. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 I have a piece of pineapple stuck in my tooth. Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 I had to break up a tussle between the paper and the cardboard when I was separating them during a recycling run. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 How dirty is that? I am such a naughty homosexual. Very very naughty. Open mangus's page in a new window about mangus. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 Maybe I should go to Boise and pay homage to The Potato. Don't they have a potato palace there or something? If not, THEY FUCKING SHOULD. Christ. Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 The difference is very, very clear. Clark Kent is a whiny little bitch. Lex Luthor is an introspective and cool individual. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 But Jess," you may say, "what about the starving children in some third world country whose families can't afford to take them to second-rate hideously-stereotyped Austrailian steakhouses? Shouldn't you shut your trap and not complain?" Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 You are my car. My pimptastic ride. My sweet horseless carriage of awesomeness. I need you. I want you. I want to be inside of you and ride you all. night. long. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window about ladeeleroy. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 Jellyfish stings I got on my arm: 1 Apparently sincere offers received from JB to pee on it: 2 Open sundry's page in a new window about sundry. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 "Christ. I'm not lying to you- I am detecting absolutely NO URGE for a cigarette, okay?" Open rudey's page in a new window about rudey. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 And the tutor? Petty little bitch. You just know that he does a drag revue in London on the weekends and makes catty remarks about the other Girls’ hairy backs. Open weetabix's page in a new window about weetabix. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 Never let it be said alcohol influences my judgement. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 When someone immortalizes you and makes you look like an awesome new comic book, you just don't complain. Open fadein's page in a new window about fadein. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 Really, I guess I'm not as bad as I make myself sound. It's just that I don't like the outside place. what with its sun that blinds you and its insect life that eats you. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Tuesday, May 13, 2003 It is my belief that there are certain things about yourself that no one needs to know. Such things include: how often you need to choke the one eyed snake, the number of people you’ve slept with, and if you think Michael Jackson is hot. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Tuesday, May 13, 2003 It will still be a cell, but it will be a more cheerful, brightly lit, warmer cell. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Monday, May 12, 2003 It's hard to maintain some semblance of youthful idealism when the dominant hegemony that envelopes you is so damn cranky. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Monday, May 12, 2003 I'm going to go drive to shake my funk, yo. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Monday, May 12, 2003 Despite having lost a lot of money in Vegas and despite it being 4am, I think the crying Steven Page in this picture is insanely hot. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Monday, May 12, 2003 Hey world, I'm gonna strap one on, bend you over and do you up the ass You're my dirty, little whore Hey world! Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Monday, May 12, 2003 I slept in my contact lenses and my shoes by my bed because when the sky is sickly green and bruised and the wind is squalling like that you kinda want to be able to see the four horsemen and the army of locusts as they approach. Open annfrank's page in a new window about annfrank. Monday, May 12, 2003 To break it all down the only cultural export to have ever come out of Staten Island was “THE WU-TANG CLAN. I think that pretty much sums it up. Open discothekid's page in a new window about discothekid. Monday, May 12, 2003 On the front windshield: has a big box where the driver sits, with a large arrow pointing to it saying "GIMP" Open halee's page in a new window about halee. Monday, May 12, 2003 Indiana has James Dean and New England has Sylvia Plath. Baltimore has John Waters and Wisconsin has that cute boy factory I've been hearing so much about. Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Monday, May 12, 2003 We watched boys in souped up cars speed down the road and May and I commented on how much we would like to fellate them. Cuz the faster the car, the bigger the dick. Ain't that right, fuckers? Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Monday, May 12, 2003 I am The Divine Ms. Bitch, and fabulous people such as myself do not sit and wallow in their own predicament but rise above it with pretty pink toes that smell like pie! Open rudey's page in a new window about rudey. Monday, May 12, 2003 I was able to ward off my chemical inebriation through an interpretive dance in which I waved my arms about and went, "Lordy Lordy, that's stanky!" Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Monday, May 12, 2003 Weetabix’s Mom: (from the other room) God, you and Legolas. Weetabix: Because he’s hot! Weetabix’s Mom: He’s a FAIRY! Open weetabix's page in a new window about weetabix. Monday, May 12, 2003 I’d screw up trying to cut through that plastic and end up puncturing my lung or something. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Monday, May 12, 2003 Open sundry's page in a new window about sundry. Monday, May 12, 2003 It was one of those farts that didn't quite sound all that real. It sounded like someone had put one of their arms up to their faces and were blowing into the crook of their elbow for a long...long...time. Open mangus's page in a new window about mangus. Monday, May 12, 2003 i don't want your fucking treats! let me be a lonely pukehead in peace. Open adwhore's page in a new window about adwhore. Monday, May 12, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!