AnnFrank BetaBitch BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Fu-Fu Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DiaryLand/LiveJournal/XML NewsFeed The 12% BeerGarden: "Don't Just Read What We Say... Talk Back!" Marn's "Race for the Rack" - Sexy BeerMate Drawings Doug's Queer Makeover! - BEERGEAR! Buy This Shit Right Now! BIRTHDAY JAN.08 - Fu-Fu JAN.10 - TVZero JAN.20 - LadeeLeroy JAN.25 - MollyX FEB.19 - Sundry FEB.22 - Rudey MAR.15 - LeeboZeebo MAR.27 - Mangus MAY.04 - Disco MAY.17 - Halee MAY.22 - Marn JUN.11 - FadeIn LOO-OOVE! Weetabix - JUN.13 St.Louise - JUN.20 Biensoul - AUG.04 TheCritic - AUG.04 Skim - AUG.05 AdWhore - AUG.29 CuppaJoe - AUG.29 Ms-M - SEP.11 JamieStar - SEP.26 JWalker - DEC.27 Ann-Frank - DEC.29 12% Beer - OCT.01,2001 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove Show your respect for the rack, your joy in the jugs, Brothers and Sisters TESTIFY FOR THE TA TAS and give some of your buckazoids to the Jog for the Jugs. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Thursday, October 16, 2003 There's nothing quite like faking an orgasm and shouting "FUCK!" in front of your mom, your aunt, and all your friends' parents. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Thursday, October 16, 2003 Long story short...I stared at Jennifer Lopez's ass in Barnes&Noble this evening. She is wicked short and Ben Affleck needs to shave and stop wearing stupid baseball hats in public. Justin said that he smelled badly. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Saturday, September 20, 2003 I'm not really big on partying. Normally I'll sit in a corner and glower at everyone and drink myself into a stupor...which is when the fun and licking starts. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Saturday, September 20, 2003 Ooh Orlando Bloom. Just talking about him makes my nipples hard. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Saturday, September 20, 2003 There were two teenaged girls out there watching me as I flirted with one of the guys who was leaving. (not serious flirting. He was trying to hug me, but I was sweating... sorrry, glowing... like a pig and told him so. This is how I flirt!) Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Saturday, September 20, 2003 So I went to the gym last night. For the first time in, um, a long time. I felt really sheepish entering the building, like maybe some Slacker Alarm would sound and a bunch of black balloons with "LOSER" printed on them would float down from the ceiling. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Friday, September 19, 2003 I realized that I'm kind of like a virgin, again! (yes yes touched for the very first time) "Dude, I've only slept with one person in, like, 9 years!" I cried to Sid. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Friday, September 19, 2003 I think that the AOL "You've got mail!" guy is starting to sound a bit sarcastic. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Friday, September 19, 2003 ARI FLEISCHER IS APPEARING NEXT. POST YOUR QUESTIONS NOW. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Friday, September 19, 2003 If it’s just casual and he needs a dildo to spot him, then time to find another sex buddy. Also, how big is her purse? Is she a mom and has some gigantic mom purse? What’s up with that? Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Friday, September 19, 2003 Toward the end of the show, Sandra took off her shirt and finished up in her bra. I realized how sick, twisted and conditioned I am while staring at this tall, emaciated women and her bony ass ribcage and thinking ,"Even she's got love handles. Sandra, you could lose a few." Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Friday, September 19, 2003 I told her if she ever did anything in my bed, I’d burn her alive in her sleep. I wish I was kidding when I said that. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Monday, October 13, 2003 Damn those transvestites. Always emphasizing my lack of femininity like no woman ever has. Open saint-louise's page in a new window view an illustration of saint-louise! Monday, October 13, 2003 One thing worth remembering: all squirrels are named Larry. Except for the few called Bob. Open ms-m's page in a new window view an illustration of ms-m! Monday, October 13, 2003 The man is more than 50 years old. He looked insanely stupid doing this. It made me laugh. Before I knew it, the weasel had carried the &%$#@ sewing machine inside the house. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Monday, October 13, 2003 The reason I did it over to begin with was because I thought it was too long. So it should come as no surprise to anyone that when I decided to make another that I made it even longer. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Monday, October 13, 2003 A dark and brutal but ultimately noble stranger whose arrogant demeanor barely conceals the all-encompassing passionate fires that lay beneath his steady, flinty-eyed gaze. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Monday, October 13, 2003 Notice also that I'm in my pajamas STILL and probably won't shower until tomorrow. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Monday, October 13, 2003 But I sincerely think I would have been equally (if not more) entertained if someone had snuck a 3 hour reel of The Gong Show into the DVD case, with no other discernable plot. Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Monday, October 13, 2003 This should tide you over: boobs, thongs, beer, drunk, bikini wax, whore. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Monday, October 13, 2003 Anyhoo, the next thing I know I'm gigning my number to the cute friend named Dave and I'm chugging back Pepsi and Rye and Golden Schlagger like it's going out of style. Open ms-m's page in a new window view an illustration of ms-m! Thursday, September 18, 2003 Carissa stood firm and would not expose her bosom twice for only one male protuberance, thus after being coaxed by his friends, he unzipped and then pulled forth his wiener and then did some crazy sidewalk gyration involving choreographed pelvic thrusts. I imagine there was also some floppage. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 Big black truck, you make parking scary Your leather seats are bound to get hairy You're the biggest thing on a Seattle ferry I can't believe the amount of shit you can carry Who is this redneck that I did marry? Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 I want the wallowing in self-pity and mood altering fear that comes with not knowing how you’re going to pay rent in the next month. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 And let’s face it: by the time she gets rid of all of the metal in her mouth, no one in high school is going to be able to look at her beautiful, straight teeth and see anything other than the brace-faced eccentric with weird musical tastes (I mean, come on: what kind of fucking freak doesn’t like Bon Jovi?) who was always reading and who talked with a slight lisp – that is, when anyone talked to her at all. And is that really fair? IS IT? Open saint-louise's page in a new window view an illustration of saint-louise! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 First of all, I like how we disguise the phrase, "Engage in Mad Serious Fucking" by calling it "Hooking Up." I just thought I would clarify that one to those of you that don't quite understand that this person is asking me if I prefer white or dark meat for a bit of Ye Olde Sucky Sucky. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 I accidentally booked my personal training evaluation for the same time as my acupuncture appointment. As Josh pointed out: "and the cute guy sticking things in you is more important." Yeppers! So, I have to re-RE-schedule the personal training AGAIN! One of my favorite jokes: "I PAY for a gym membership. You mean I actually have to GO too?!" Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 Here I was in the grocery store at 1230 am. Near me were two other groups of guys doing the same thing. Four single men men, after midnight, staring at cold meats and silently, seriously contemplating their sandwiches. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 I began to hate his guts. I studied him closely. He was a tall, skinny guy about my age with thinning hair wearing a striped tee and kind of baggy khaki shorts. I rejoiced in the fact that the shorts made his butt look big. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 I need to think up a name for Justin cause is sounds like some shitty no-name band when I say "LusciousA & Justin". Maybe I should call him "Mr.RobotPants" or "JustinPretty" or "I Like Pie". Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Wednesday, September 17, 2003 If you are a man standing on the bus and are sporting a boner, put something in front of that to shield others from feeling it. I do. It's just proper. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 Well, not "heating up" exactly. Um, we've been emailing each other. Stuff like "You like Mr. Show? I like Mr. Show!' 'n crap. Sexy! Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 The media is reporting that my high school is a horrible, unsafe place to be. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 It was like he was a man possessed. Gone was the friendliness, the grandfatherly love. In its place was a cold, heartless slimy weasel man, wanting us to sign on the dotted line or he’d go for the jugular. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 Fixes yeast infections with pill instead of traditional "messy cream" Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 I puke in my mouth and reluctantly go into the common room to discuss stupid issues with the flunkies. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 On top of everything else my fucking car broke down today. Personally, I blame the THE BEN-DAY-HO breakup. My car is an avid reader of the tabloids and apparently my engine had hoped that Affleck and Lopez would find the kind of happiness that douche commercials tell you is possible. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 Anyway, yesterday I went to buy a skirt. An above-the-knees skirt. For my dad. Because he doesn’t "like women in trousers." Not even my super dykey pin-stripe trousers, dad? Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 "What if I have herpes?!?! I can't have herpes! That would end my days of indiscriminately hooking up with strangers at parties." Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 ...but you pursue them, face a few big obstacles, something like three, before pratfalling into their arms and then, again magically, everything works out and you ride off into the sunset with them, in a limo. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Tuesday, September 16, 2003 My last breakdown ended peacefully when I realized that if they let Johnny Cash into heaven, I’m definitely getting in. And if he went to hell, that’s where I wanna go. Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Monday, September 15, 2003 Sounds like a busy few weeks, eh? Well, not really, because it might have been a little bit less stressful had Matchstick Men and that new Underworld movie not cost me over ONE! MILLION! DOLLARS! Open ann-frank's page in a new window view an illustration of ann-frank! Monday, September 15, 2003 I am a very bad girl. With a good credit rating, apparently. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Monday, September 15, 2003 Josh and I in a furniture store on Saturday: "Look at this couch! I love it! If I hadn't already bought one..." I said, sitting on a couch. "I'd let it do me." said Josh. "I'd let it put it's hand down my panties and..." I broke off looking up into the shocked expression of a women standing in front of me. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Monday, September 15, 2003 I am so incredibly homesick right now. If Chicago were a girl, my friends would be telling me to get the fuck over her already. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Monday, September 15, 2003 I do this until all the daffies are planted or I perish in a bizarre, shovel-related mishap. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Monday, September 15, 2003 Losing all my money to a cute blackjack dealer at Treasure Island named Thomas. However, I did get a marriage proposal in exchange for dropping 0 at his table. Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Monday, September 15, 2003 My true reason for moving is that otherwise he could read all the bullshit that I find makes my life interesting. Did kitty spit a hairball? Did I wear my jeans 7 days in a row? How hungover was I last Saturday? Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Monday, September 15, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! It's Time To MonkeyRape Austin! CONFIRMED ATTENDEES: Biensoul ~ LadeeLeroy ~ LeeboZeebo ~ Sundry ~ Weetabix CAPTION CONTEST on Da'NOISE! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Motherlode Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!