AdWhore AnnFrank AnnieWaits BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DLand/LJ/NewsFeed Site Awards: Disco, Rudey, Marn & St.Louise! Entry Awards: Marn & Weetabix! Go, ROCK the VOTE! More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove She described some type of vaginal discharge. I mentally passed out and came to when we arrived at the mall. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Sunday, May 25, 2003 God, however, has decided that Canada can't survive much longer without being visited by me, so he has seen fit to send me on a quest to rock our neighbor to the North until its knees shake so hard that it can't fucking stand up anymore. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Sunday, May 25, 2003 Robin Smith is at my house right now and she's naked! She's having lesbian sex with my wife as we speak as my pets look on! Just thought you should know. Open discothekid's page in a new window about discothekid. Sunday, May 25, 2003 I'm pretty sure it's never occurred to Timothy that he could do, say, or rectally expel anything so offensive that I would leave him. His behavior is all the proof I need. Open skim's page in a new window about skim. Sunday, May 25, 2003 I'd walk through Regent's park, grab a bite to eat, and meet my friends at a pub. Open fadein's page in a new window about fadein. Sunday, May 25, 2003 "You're lying! You do think I look fat in these pants!" Open skim's page in a new window about skim. Sunday, May 25, 2003 I have visions of waves of thuggy squirrels breaking into our house, eating all my almond butter and beating up my cats. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Sunday, May 25, 2003 "You know, I really like-uh milkshakes but if I eat them then, oohhh, I have-uh baaaad diarrhea right away." Open skim's page in a new window about skim. Sunday, May 25, 2003 It's got to be 2 ply, that's for DAMN sure. Also not Charmin, because that stuff is like too soft or something. I don't want to wipe Down There with a fucking chinchilla, you know? Open sundry's page in a new window about sundry. Sunday, May 25, 2003 Look at me being a nice American to the hot French girls sleeping in my living room. I'm sure if I were straight I would find something erotic about the whole situation and sneek downstairs to gaze upon them and touch myself in inappropriate ways. But no...I just want some fucking cheese or something. Open mangus's page in a new window about mangus. Sunday, May 25, 2003 Seeing your barely restrained boobs kind of makes my mind go blank. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Sunday, May 25, 2003 Adult Swim friggin' RULES! You got Space Ghost, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab, and Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law. PLEASE watch them! Talk about fucked! Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Sunday, May 25, 2003 Open mangus's page in a new window about mangus. Sunday, May 25, 2003 I made sure that the girl across the way got a smooth view of my ass wiggling in the window, just in case she was hot for my bottom. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Sunday, May 25, 2003 Yeah, it's being published as a "guest column" next week in the local paper. FIGHT THE POWER! Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Sunday, May 25, 2003 Was being a good person worth the loss of $20 dollars? The answer is of course a resounding FUCK NO! Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Sunday, May 25, 2003 it's friday. it's sunny and warm. my girly's back. my cat is THE fuzziest. life is good. Open adwhore's page in a new window about adwhore. Sunday, May 25, 2003 Did I sleep with an ex-boyfriend? No. Behave irresponsibly? Not really. Did I intentionally hurt someone that I love? Nope. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Sunday, May 25, 2003 On top of that, it's apparently a 1950s experimental French film created by an art student under the influence of opium, and spliced together with a reel of WWII Looney Tunes, set to the soundtrack for "Porky's Revenge." Open saintlouise's page in a new window about saintlouise. Saturday, May 24, 2003 If you and I were the last people on Earth would you have sex with me? Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Saturday, May 24, 2003 I'm just going to pick the one that poops. Open halee's page in a new window about halee. Saturday, May 24, 2003 They are reduced fat and you said they tasted like Ass Of Oreo. Open weetabix's page in a new window about weetabix. Saturday, May 24, 2003 I have to admit. There has been the thought of getting food stamps. "You can't buy toilet paper with them, but you can always wipe your ass with a steak," first-love-of-my-life explained to me. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window about ladeeleroy. Saturday, May 24, 2003 Do you want it to end here? No, so quit buying into what they're selling and make a fucking difference. Open rudey's page in a new window about rudey. Saturday, May 24, 2003 Say what you will about Satan, clearly he knows how to save a buck without looking like a tightwad. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Saturday, May 24, 2003 But trust me, during that thirty second walk back to your car, you wouldn't be surprised if DiCaprio saw you and said "Hey man, Viper Room tonight?" Open fadein's page in a new window about fadein. Saturday, May 24, 2003 I'm really a undiscovered Picasso or Van Gogh or more appropriately, an artist who creates paintings that look like donkey caca, since that is the extent of my artistic leanings. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window about cuppajoe. Saturday, May 24, 2003 The awards ceremony was just awesome. I am now the proud owner of two obnoxiously huge trophies, and two fat cheques. Open jamiestar's page in a new window about jamiestar. Thursday, May 22, 2003 It's not quite as painful as the original. This poor young Jedi. Open msm's page in a new window about msm. Thursday, May 22, 2003 I really should be doing stuff that does not involve painting my nails, putting my ATM receipts in chronological order or crying at sad songs. Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Thursday, May 22, 2003 You know the nice robot lady on the phone who always asks, "For blah, press or say 1. For blee, press or say 2...." and so forth? Open halee's page in a new window about halee. Thursday, May 22, 2003 If I have to pretend that I'm interested in progressive potty training ONE MORE TIME, then fuck it. I'm shoving pencils in my fucking ears. Hard. Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Thursday, May 22, 2003 I had no clue what the hell 'Horehound' was so I looked it up and it seems that everyone is very much in agreement that it tastes like anal-rape. Open mangus's page in a new window about mangus. Thursday, May 22, 2003 I think we all know that if Rudey wins it will be like that Grammy Awards where Jethro Tull beat out Metallica for best Heavy Metal performance. Open discothekid's page in a new window about discothekid. Thursday, May 22, 2003 I suspect that he was a rogue cop, a loner, or perhaps his partner had just been killed by a sniper in a drug bust and now he's been assigned a smart talking rookie who is secretly dating his daughter. Or maybe he really had to pee. Open weetabix's page in a new window about weetabix. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 I think when you sign up they should give you your fitness assessment, your workout routine, your locker and Your Very Own Gay Guy. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 I suggest you invest in some high-end binoculars, or perhaps a telescope, so you can do your peering from a distance. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window about cuppajoe. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 I was Ben Affleck, talentless and desperate for affection, and TV was my J-Lo, talentless yet warm, and with a big, juicy rump. Open tvzero's page in a new window about tvzero. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 i think jwalker (a recently diagnosed scoliosis-ite) and i need to start a support group for assholes with ailments of the nineteenth century. hey, can i wear a poofy wig? Open adwhore's page in a new window about adwhore. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 As God as my witness, Marti Noxon, you are going DOWN bitch! Open weetabix's page in a new window about weetabix. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 My head is an apricot with blonde highlights. I look like a dreamcicle. Open rudey's page in a new window about rudey. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 "What the FUCK are you talking about?! I wasn't aware that one was required to be PSYCHIC in order to work here! How in the fucking HELL would I know that?" Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 I thought my level of dorkiness plateau-ed but apparently I was just in a slump. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 At least I still have Gilmore Girls to occupy my time and keep my sexuality ambiguous. Open jeffy's page in a new window about jeffy. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 I've got like this killer slice in my leg, way up high on my thigh. It's very close to my naughty zone, or I might take a picture and show you. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 Joe's car was playing "Magic Bus" by the Who and you KNOW what that song does to me... Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 The man has issues. Scary issues not fit for Oprah. Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 What came out instead was a gob of spit that landed smackdab in the middle of Timothy's shirt. Open skim's page in a new window about skim. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 "Bitch! I'll fukkin' DICK you up the ASS" Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 Why waste time at night running my brain over the same grooves it's dug during the day when an Abyss-era Ed Harris could be pressing me against a fucking wall somewhere? You know? Open sundry's page in a new window about sundry. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 I hand sewed myself a duvet cover. Look out Martha Stewart! There's a new bitch in town. Open msm's page in a new window about msm. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 I'm nothing if not a staunch follower of the voices of Social Change. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 In other "my life sucks" news, I received a statement from American Express that stated I had spent $912 at "Aladdin Falafel"! Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 there was a piece of spit-out chewed-up bubble gum on the stairs and for 2 seconds I thought about eating it to clear up my breath. Open halee's page in a new window about halee. Wednesday, May 21, 2003 New theory! Maybe, no matter how nice and cool they seem about it at first, girls aren't too enthralled with boys that can't seem to find permanent gigs. Open fadein's page in a new window about fadein. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 I was quite excited to fall asleep last night, hoping to find my way back to the boathouse and tell Spike that I would have to leave him to do my literary tour with Marge, but before then, perhaps he would like to convince me to stay by plundering me with his vampenis. Open weetabix's page in a new window about weetabix. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 I mean, let's face it, this is a journal where a big day is one in which dogs try to sniff my groinal region. Clearly, Mistakes Have Been Made. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 I have memories of playing in a warehouse just FULL of freaking Tupperware. Yeah, I played with containers and lids growing up. No wonder I’m such a weirdo. Open jamiestar's page in a new window about jamiestar. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 Keller's is...a haven...a paradise...a promised land for the ghetto, white-trash, southern sterotypes that make up huge portions of America so that no one can think of anything but "JERRY SPRINGER" when they think of the US. Open mangus's page in a new window about mangus. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 Today we had this really awesome storm and it developed RIGHT OVER my fucking town. Then it traveled south and fucked shit up. Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 Women have it lucky if they’re single in their Golden Years. They have colorful little names like “Old Maid” and “Spinster” that accompany such a social position. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 I went to see "Down With Love" & "The Matrix". Um, the Matrix seriously sucked donkey balls! What in the HOLY HELL was THAT?! There was talking, and there was action. Talking and action. Talking and action. Open jwalker's page in a new window about jwalker. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 Seriously, it was the only movie about domestic violence I have ever seen that could inspire an audience to root for the bad guy. Open discothekid's page in a new window about discothekid. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 The fact that a double double and fries from In N' Out is only $3.50 is both a blessing and a curse. Open fadein's page in a new window about fadein. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 I guess when nobody's giving you a chance you have a right to be a little surly and depressed. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Tuesday, May 20, 2003 Oh, it was grim. If they served food like that at a prison, there would be riots, I tell you, riots. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Monday, May 19, 2003 I know you want to hear more about my drunken exploits and encounter with Caution-Tape-Nutsack Guy. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Monday, May 19, 2003 I smiled, thanked him, paid for my other movie and then left, glancing behind me to make sure that it wasn't an elaborate ruse meant to distract me from the Imperial Guards about to take me into a dank, mothball smelling dungeon where I'd be forced to watch Point Break for the rest of my days as punishment. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Monday, May 19, 2003 Jenni and Aaron took me to breakfast at Ol' South Pancake House and Jenni ordered Dutch Babies and it didn't look or taste like babies at ALL. Open halee's page in a new window about halee. Monday, May 19, 2003 I'm feeling like Homer Simpson's titanium rod right about now. Open rudey's page in a new window about rudey. Monday, May 19, 2003 Be prepared for an excellent accidental crotch shot. Open mollyx's page in a new window about mollyx. Monday, May 19, 2003 American Airlines has decided that instead of laying off 5,000 employees, they'll scale that back to the more manageable 2,000. Cuz they're such sweethearts. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Monday, May 19, 2003 Nobody wants nightmares to come true. Except exhibitionists. They have no problem with showing up naked to the big final exam in chemistry. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window about leebozeebo. Sunday, May 18, 2003 To say that yesterday will go down in the pantheon of Great Biensoul Hazy Memories is a dramatic understatement. Open biensoul's page in a new window about biensoul. Sunday, May 18, 2003 This evening we got Chinese food. The Englishman has never had chinese food so, in all actuality...a cherry was popped this evening. Open mangus's page in a new window about mangus. Sunday, May 18, 2003 admire the flying frog pajama pants. oh yeah, you know you want a pair. Open adwhore's page in a new window about adwhore. Sunday, May 18, 2003 TheCritic: Why don’t you just tell him you have herpes? Ash-hole: No! TheCritic: That you’re a man? Ash-hole: NO you bastard! Stop talking to me. Open thecritic's page in a new window about thecritic. Sunday, May 18, 2003 Things are still quiet down in the valley, but when you make the final turn just before our home the silence is broken and all around you is birdsong, finches mostly, warbling intricate melodies. Open marn's page in a new window about marn. Sunday, May 18, 2003 If I ever woke up one morning and found out that I was a woman with angst and big boobs...I would soooo head right on over to torrid and buy myself some cool-ass t-shirts that perfectly described my big-boobed-angst. Open mangus's page in a new window about mangus. Sunday, May 18, 2003 I ended up falling over the ironing board I left standing at the beginning the night and then threw my shoes at it because the thing pissed me off. Oh yeah, and then I puked. Open tvzero's page in a new window about tvzero. Sunday, May 18, 2003 Now we can't help but call her Fat Dog. When she rolls around grunting, which is a Top Ten Dog Activity, we yell "Pig dog! Sooo-WEEEE!" Open sundry's page in a new window about sundry. Sunday, May 18, 2003 If there's a place that desperately needs an armed madman to show up and spray the place with bullets, it's a nursing home. Open skim's page in a new window about skim. Sunday, May 18, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!