AnnieWaits AnnFrank BetaBitch BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Fu-Fu Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DiaryLand/LiveJournal/XML NewsFeed The 12% BeerGarden: "Don't Just Read What We Say... Talk Back!" Marn's "Race for the Rack" - Sexy BeerMate Drawings Doug's Queer Makeover! - BEERGEAR! Buy This Shit Right Now! BIRTHDAY LOVE. PUCKER UP. JAN.08 JAN.10 JAN.20 JAN.25 FEB.19 FEB.22 MAR.07 MAR.15 MAR.27 APR.21 MAY.04 MAY.17 MAY.22 JUN.11 JUN.13 JUN.20 AUG.01 AUG.04 AUG.04 AUG.05 AUG.23 AUG.29 AUG.29 SEP.11 SEP.26 OCT.01 DEC.27 DEC.29 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove They're currently sitting on the couch together lapping each other's heads. If that's not love, I don't know what is. Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Saturday, September 27, 2003 Ah well. On a lighter note, I saw a man dressed up as a Penis walking out of Target. That'll probably be the highlight of my life for years to come. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Saturday, September 27, 2003 Stop circling classified ads that have the words "Gentleman," "Entertainers," "No Experience Necessary" and "Free Steak Perks" because you're going to want to use that pen for something else! Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window view an illustration of ladeeleroy! Saturday, September 27, 2003 I was totally freaking out by this point imagining illicit sex scenes on the acupunture tables and him whispering stuff like “I know all the points to push so that you come and come….” Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Saturday, September 27, 2003 (SUPAHH DEF ROCK POWWWAH!) Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Saturday, September 27, 2003 There goes all my street cred. Oh. Wait. I don't have any street cred. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Friday, September 26, 2003 My plan is to turn it into one of my patented marathon drunken phone sessions. Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Friday, September 26, 2003 Case in point: There's one short Lenore story in which the Easter Bunny gets caught in a bear trap that Lenore has left out, screams, "I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!" and then drags himself to Lenore's front step, where she decides she must deliver eggs for all the children. Hijinx ensue. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Friday, September 26, 2003 So good. It's the kind of song that drives a wedge into your cold, dark heart and splits it open just enough to let a crush fit in there. Goddamn. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Friday, September 26, 2003 We don't leave school. We're forced to be cheerful. We're not given any coffee. It's sad, really. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Friday, September 26, 2003 Well, it was a typically strange night for young lovers as the four of us found ourselves drunk and naked in the same room. I’m not gonna lie, there was some frolicking. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Friday, September 26, 2003 steel wool should never come into contact with a 9-Volt battery because holy shit, can that thing start a fire right quick. Open skim's page in a new window view an illustration of skim! Friday, September 26, 2003 "Well, we've got all those kittens. Will a kitten skull work?" Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Friday, September 26, 2003 Example: towards the end of the phone call, I went on a little diatribe about "Grampa Joe" from Willy Wonka. "Dude, I fucking HATE that guy!" I cried. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Friday, September 26, 2003 Think about that the next time you mock us for wearing cheese on our head. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Thursday, September 25, 2003 I wouldn't ask him to marry me or ask for a kiss within five seconds of meeting him; I would, however, ask him what his favorite baseball team was, and if he said the Yankees, I'd turn down the rose. I'm not kidding, folks, this is SERIOUS business. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Thursday, September 25, 2003 The more I write "BAMT" the more it seems to demand some visual context, because it feels all weirdly onomatopoetic (holy balls the effort it took to spell that word, you have no idea) like it's a word I yoinked from an old Batman show or something. ZING! KAPOW! BAMT! Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Thursday, September 25, 2003 I love you too. I'm not as unattractive as a buzzard's crotch am I?! Open ms-m's page in a new window view an illustration of ms-m! Thursday, September 25, 2003 Yes, my past is heavily littered with odd, hokey, or just plain embarrassing things. Someday we'll talk about the clogging. Open rudey's page in a new window view an illustration of rudey! Thursday, September 25, 2003 As you'll see from my resume, I have experience as a office lackey/monkey boy/and lots of other things production assistant, and I am familiar with xerox machines and coffee makers the challenges unique to a room full of egos creative office. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 In Vegas, I slept in the same bed with them while Spooney slept on the floor. I was so horny that I almost cried. Bo was naked and I saw his ass when he got up. Hoo boy! Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 If you're in the Maryland area and want to see it, go to the link and buy tickets. At the very least, you get to see me not only sporting a FOXY, FOXY dress, but also with sexellent hair to go with it! Ooh la la! Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 "Howdy folks, you might be wondering why we haven't landed yet. Well...we were going to land, but we don't seem to have any landing gear. I'll get back to you on that one" Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 I heard some stories about those ol' fashioned traps you see in all your finer mouse cartoons... namely, stories about how the trap not only catches the mouse, but crushes the living hell out of it... stories of people cleaning large quantities of liquid mouse off of their walls. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 Sid & I are planning a limo trip to Vegas next month. We are going to fill the limo with cute men. Whooo hooo! Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 for example, you can typically catch me singing the old "Capri Sun" theme song and doing the pelvic thrust dance during lunch time. Open anniewaits's page in a new window view an illustration of anniewaits! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 I decided to fall asleep, hunched over the table, arms stretched out like Frankenstein’s monster. I think I’m taking this writer thing a little too seriously. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 He was a very cute pile of gooey blob, which confused me emotionally a great deal. Open betabitch's page in a new window view an illustration of betabitch! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 I mean, not that I often attend many hippy functions, but what is going to happen when I pull up to a Greenpeace meeting? Will I be shunned for buying into the Man? Will I walk up and everyone will stop talking? Should I burn some hemp inside the car and expunge the ghost of Lee Ioccoca? Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 I’ve been trying to ease Co-Host Kim’s nerves by saying soothing things like, “Come on, Kim. Can you think of anyone who you’d rather be splattered upon the earth with more than ME?” It doesn’t seem to be helping. Open jamiestar's page in a new window view an illustration of jamiestar! Wednesday, September 24, 2003 Thank you. A kazillion thank yous. You're making me weepy and I am a disgusting weeper--my eyes swell, my skin gets blotchy and my nose runs. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Tuesday, September 23, 2003 And apparently when the four horsemen of the apocolypse come, they will be in the form of the Rolling Stones. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Tuesday, September 23, 2003 Bras were tethered together in fear. Socks were fleeing for their very lives. Open ms-m's page in a new window view an illustration of ms-m! Monday, September 22, 2003 ME: Mom, would you still love me even if I could fly? MOM: Of course. ME: Good. MOM: Why...? Can you fly? Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Monday, September 22, 2003 I am horrified that people who are not me have made out on my couch before I got to. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Monday, September 22, 2003 eli: i'm going to write a book too. it's going to be called "i have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow morning" and the first chapter is going to be called "pipe down, i gotta get some shut-eye". Open anniewaits's page in a new window view an illustration of anniewaits! Monday, September 22, 2003 For my mother to opt for this means it's way bad because my grandmother has kevlar balls the size of Long Island. Thanks to the Korean War, there's hardly a thing on this earth that she can't take and take well. Open skim's page in a new window view an illustration of skim! Monday, September 22, 2003 The entire house had hardwood floors, it was like I died and went to Ikea. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Monday, September 22, 2003 You'll have to suffer through this a bit, because as one of the few guys on diaryland, I must represent, yo. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Monday, September 22, 2003 I'm rather excited. Last time I saw MissSaigon I was still in highschool. Yes...I will sing along. Yes...I'll probably still act surprised when Kim shoots herself. Teeheehee. It's fun to be gay. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Monday, September 22, 2003 “What is WITH you? I have never seen anyone so fascinated by TRAFFIC on the TURNPIKE. This is like taking a road trip with an Amish person.” Open jamiestar's page in a new window view an illustration of jamiestar! Monday, September 22, 2003 Stories and pictures will be posted here once I re-adapt to your stupid fucking society. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Monday, September 22, 2003 Just when I get sick and disenchanted of the internet, email, and technology in general... Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Monday, September 22, 2003 Hey Ari, I think you are sexy. Can you fly to Wisconsin and give me a baby? Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Monday, September 22, 2003 Show your respect for the rack, your joy in the jugs, Brothers and Sisters TESTIFY FOR THE TA TAS and give some of your buckazoids to the Jog for the Jugs. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Monday, September 22, 2003 There's nothing quite like faking an orgasm and shouting "FUCK!" in front of your mom, your aunt, and all your friends' parents. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Monday, September 22, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Motherlode Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!