AdWhore AnnFrank BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Fu-Fu Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DiaryLand/LiveJournal/XML NewsFeed The 12% BeerGarden: "Don't Just Read What We Say... Talk Back!" Marn's "Race for the Rack" - Sexy BeerMate Drawings Doug's Queer Makeover! - BEERGEAR! Buy This Shit Right Now! BIRTHDAY JAN.08 - Fu-Fu JAN.10 - TVZero JAN.20 - LadeeLeroy JAN.25 - MollyX FEB.19 - Sundry FEB.22 - Rudey MAR.15 - LeeboZeebo MAR.27 - Mangus MAY.04 - Disco MAY.17 - Halee MAY.22 - Marn JUN.11 - FadeIn LOO-OOVE! Weetabix - JUN.13 St.Louise - JUN.20 Biensoul - AUG.04 TheCritic - AUG.04 Skim - AUG.05 AdWhore - AUG.29 CuppaJoe - AUG.29 Ms-M - SEP.11 JamieStar - SEP.26 JWalker - DEC.27 Ann-Frank - DEC.29 12% Beer - OCT.01,2001 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove There's a shower curtain that I bought, a bed I had sex in, a couch that I hooked up on, an oven that I used. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Saturday, August 30, 2003 The reality of the situation had just presented itself and suddenly I felt like the dirtiest human being on Earth. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Saturday, August 30, 2003 Any onlooker would swear we were trying to murder one another but this is all just part of our beautiful Brotherly/Sisterly Love Rituals. She tries to hug me, I fight her to the death. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Saturday, August 30, 2003 Us is the sluttiest magazine in the entire world. You know, the weekly rag with all the celebrity crap? Oh my god, I love it so very very much. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Friday, August 29, 2003 i talked to our beerman today! on the phone! to make fun of him for being 20 minutes older than me! i think us internet junkies don't really know how to handle those old fashioned modes of communication. just a theory. anyway, he was very nice and we yucked it up good. Open adwhore's page in a new window view an illustration of adwhore! Friday, August 29, 2003 Sam & I discussed becoming lesbians. "The problem is, I would be the man in the relationship." Sam confessed to me. "ME TOO!" I cried, "I don't want to be the man! I want to be the woman! But... I don't want to go with a manly dyke, either." Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Friday, August 29, 2003 Anyone wanna play D&D later? Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Friday, August 29, 2003 It's high time that my body learned to accept some UV rays without melting. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Friday, August 29, 2003 Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Friday, August 29, 2003 I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF SOMEONE CAME OVER HERE AND A) SMACKED ME AROUND A BIT FOR BEING SO GODDAMN STUPID AND B) MADE OUT WITH ME FOR, LIKE, TEN MINUTES. JUST FOR KICKS. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Friday, August 29, 2003 Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Friday, August 29, 2003 I had something else to say but I thought I heard someone talking about candy and I just completely lost it. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Thursday, August 28, 2003 I called home to have the roommate flip on the news in case there was a large nuclear warhead on my path home so I could take another route. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Thursday, August 28, 2003 And it’ll take every ounce of my strength to keep from throwing a Molotov cocktail back there. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Thursday, August 28, 2003 And just as a sidenote, I think if your originally white socks turn the color of a car tire, you should stop wearing them and buy some new ones. Open skim's page in a new window view an illustration of skim! Thursday, August 28, 2003 "'Bitch. Me.' That's what I think. Say it ten times fast and it sounds just like 'Bitchy' because that's what I am. Bitchy." Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window view an illustration of ladeeleroy! Thursday, August 28, 2003 He DID see me checking out an electric screw-driver, though, which I think is pretty hot. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Thursday, August 28, 2003 In fact, they all apparently came to this conclusion after reading my 'Self Description,' in which I wrote simply that I was "Humongous. Purple. Threatening." Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Thursday, August 28, 2003 I think she was offended by the "YOU FUCKING WHORE! YOU FUCKING WHORE!" verse of "Song for the Dumped", but it was hard to tell. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Thursday, August 28, 2003 The first character is a French gun-toting fetus who swings out of choppers from his umbilical cord. His name? Fred The Freedom Fighting Fetus (from France). Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Thursday, August 28, 2003 i'll be damned if i'm cryin' in bed with a spit cup during paid vacation. they'll have to take me to the morgue before they see that one. Open adwhore's page in a new window view an illustration of adwhore! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 Anyways, they went in there, and Anthony & I sat in the car and listened to music and chewed on some gummy candies I found in a pocket on my bag, and despite them being two weeks old (oh be quiet, they were in a sealed bag), they were nice and chewy. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window view an illustration of cuppajoe! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 Yesterday not only did I Hit The Wall, but it's my firm belief I may have collided with his girlfriend Linda, as well as Wendy, his second cousin twice removed, who was down for a visit. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm doing "fine". "You seem FINE!" "You sound FINE!" "Hey, you look great! You seem like you're doing really well!" everyone keeps saying to me. What the fuck? What do you want me to do? Break down in front of you screaming and sobbing? Why does everyone believe me when I say "Yeah, I'm doing fine."?? Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 Which makes me throw up just a little, in my mouth. Open rudey's page in a new window view an illustration of rudey! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 "Well, your test results show that you've got a gambling problem...and the problem is that it's been too long since you went gambling and would you like to go to Las Vegas?" Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 I am constantly surprised by what these kids remember me teaching versus what I remember teaching them; in this student's case, spending an extra 45 minutes at rehearsal working on a particularly rough chunk of her monologue made an impact, or at least what I said did. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 And well ... let’s just say it was effective but… I think I learned where the expression “Gag me with a spoon” comes from. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 Spent evening putting walkie talkie down Jennifer’s bra and forcing her to walk around the bar, while Shawn and I made her boobies talk to whoever she happened to be standing near. Open jamiestar's page in a new window view an illustration of jamiestar! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 Is it weird that I'm actually more interested in a hotel cuz a review described the place as "musty"? MUSTY. That word to me means age and attics. I like age and attics. Musty means stories and stories mean something to think about instead of the date. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 I have noticed the excelent marketing power that GAYNESS has. Chicks totally dig it and other gay folks are drawn to it. It's true. Ah gayness...everything is super, when you're gay. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 I am looking forward to seeing them live next month if for nothing but a sanctioned night of ridiculous dancing. Because if there is one word to describe the annfrankenstein Brand of Breaking It Down, it is ridiculous. Open ann-frank's page in a new window view an illustration of ann-frank! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 I love my mom. She has to be one of the most caring people in the world. I went with her on errands today, and most of them involved helping people or giving them things. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Wednesday, August 27, 2003 And, let's face it, if you can't find a correlation between your life with any chorus of an M.C. Hammer song, well, you obviously don't belong in what we call "normal" society. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 Girls scare me. Even adult girls give me twitters but these kids, oy. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 I braced myself for Esteban’s general tirade about how McDonald’s is the Great Satan of Hamburgers and how we shouldn’t subsidize their evil plot to make everyone so fat that they cannot move and then Ronald McDonald will be able to overthrow the government because we’re all too busy watching The View and being cut out of our houses. Open weetabix's page in a new window view an illustration of weetabix! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 I was just glad to be out of that place. Enough time was spent in that crazy store and if I had to see one more image of the stupid school’s mascot emblazoned on a folder, shot glass, napkin holder, vibrator, what have you I was going to scream. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 I worship and adore Nip/Tuck. I feel dirty watching it and need to take a shower afterwards. And I love every minute of it. Mmmmmmm..... Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 I heard a rumor once that there were successful, creative people with interesting lives working and living outside Hollywood. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 BOGGLE. I borrowed the game from my mom, thinking that I could use it as part of my "Peggy Hill" Halloween costume... Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 It's just a matter of time until they start breaking and entering homes and cottages down the road, hauling home their gloves, too. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 I've been planning like a mofo', and the only thing I have to show for it is a piece of looseleaf with "English 9" scribbled at the top and a bunch of tiny flowers underneath it. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 You haven’t lived until you’ve heard your mother being ragged on through a headset full of reverb. Open discothekid's page in a new window view an illustration of discothekid! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 I'll tell you what the true secret to getting into shape is - it has nothing to do with consistently pushing yourself to greater and greater heights - it's just going. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 That's mundane and no one here reads this shit for mundane. No. You guys want the boring and the repetitive. Am I right? Yeah, I know I'm right. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Tuesday, August 26, 2003 Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Monday, August 25, 2003 You've got until November 27th 2003, or I'm gone, toots. Open fadein's page in a new window view an illustration of fadein! Monday, August 25, 2003 Brian got out of the car and staggered over to him, having to stop every couple seconds to rest his hands on his knees and laugh some more. I pounded the dashboard in the car, whinnying hysterically. Open sundry's page in a new window view an illustration of sundry! Monday, August 25, 2003 One thing I've learned from looking at those women runners--running and bodacious buttal regions seem to go hand in hand. Open marn's page in a new window view an illustration of marn! Monday, August 25, 2003 Under no circumstances are you to come back to College Station without that big, delicious bottle of Amaretto that you left there last time. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Monday, August 25, 2003 "Do the pillows come with the couch?" I asked the guy. "No. Sorry... they're just for display." replied the guy. "How much are they?" I asked. "Fucking $30 EACH!" he cried. Open jwalker's page in a new window view an illustration of jwalker! Monday, August 25, 2003 I love my apartment. You guys...seriously. I lived on campus for three years. This is so nice it should be illegal. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Monday, August 25, 2003 I don’t think I’d ever make it as a starving artist. I love my tivo just entirely too much. Open tvzero's page in a new window view an illustration of tvzero! Monday, August 25, 2003 I can talk to girls easy. Just not intelligently. And I sure as hell can't do it smoothly. And I double sure as hell can't say what I want to half the time. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Monday, August 25, 2003 I’ve tried to fight these ailments through herbal treatments and inhaling the vapors from my dishwasher, but nothing seems to assuage the onslaught of these symptoms. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Monday, August 25, 2003 I suspect there is a direct correlation between that and the sudden increase in alcohol intake. Open skim's page in a new window view an illustration of skim! Monday, August 25, 2003 "An actor is a fella that just has a little more monkey in him." Open halee's page in a new window view an illustration of halee! Monday, August 25, 2003 I debated slamming the book shut to break up the little pornographic display but opted to blow on them rather than funk up the pages. Open thecritic's page in a new window view an illustration of thecritic! Monday, August 25, 2003 SNOT ROCKET! No, not really. Jellyfish. Open mollyx's page in a new window view an illustration of mollyx! Monday, August 25, 2003 And I'm all like...DISTRACTED 'n' sheeeit by his sexy ass. Open mangus's page in a new window view an illustration of mangus! Monday, August 25, 2003 I just had to drop you a line to tell you that no matter how dumb you think are, it doesn't even come close to almost having sex with a hot stripper that has herpes. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window view an illustration of leebozeebo! Monday, August 25, 2003 When I need a good laugh, Sydney will take a giant poo and swim around quickly acting like s/he is frightened by it. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window view an illustration of ladeeleroy! Monday, August 25, 2003 I also did not see hide nor hair of any Hanson. And believe me....I had my eyes peeled. Open fu-fu's page in a new window view an illustration of fu-fu! Monday, August 25, 2003 If I want to write about my drunk liaisons in the beds of pickup trucks with (unbeknownst to me) married guys, well, that's my right, too. Open biensoul's page in a new window view an illustration of biensoul! Monday, August 25, 2003 you know those commercials where the bail bond people put their hand on the traumatized family members shoulder and get them coffee and ask them if they’re okay? bullshit. Open adwhore's page in a new window view an illustration of adwhore! Monday, August 25, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! It's Time To MonkeyRape Austin! CONFIRMED ATTENDEES: Biensoul LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Sundry Weetabix 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Motherlode Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!