Ann-Frank- AnnieWaits- CuppaJoe- DiscoTheKid- FadeIn- Fu-Fu- JamieStar- Jeffy- LadeeLeroy- Mangus- Wangitude- MollyX- Ms-M- Rudey- Saint-Louise- Skim- Sundry- TheCritic- TVZero- Weetabix-

News of the Beer Who Are You Wearing? The Diarist.net nominations are out again! Marn is nominated for Best Account of a Public or News Event, while Sweet Weet is taking over the world with an Outstanding Entry, a Best Guest Entry, and a Best Journal (Overall)! Know as soon as 12% updates by adding twelvebeer to your buddylist (if you're on DLand) like These Sexy MoFos, or partake in our foxilicious NewsFeed! - 12%Diaryland - FreeBeerLovers - Archives - FAQs - BeerMates = Foxy Bitches! - Buttons! - BeerGarden MessageBoard! - Pitas! - Dland! - XML/RSS Newsfeed It’s just a journal for Christ’s sake! You know what Doug does that really bugs me? Open discothekid's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 I have to tell you that this interview will not be a kiss-doug’s-ass fest. Although it feels good? Open discothekid's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 "Ronald Reagen lives again-Cold War-Natalie Colemeich’-We didn’t start the fire-etc.!.” Gives Too Much Oral Pleasure. Open discothekid's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 That's always embarrassing, having to struggle to keep breathing/keep up with the pace/not projectile vomit in front of a total stranger. This woman Never Stops Exercising, it seems! Open sundry's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 When I shave my legs, they still don't feel shaven. Five o'clock shadow. On my thighs. It's arousing, yes. This entry makes the boys bark. I'll take you to dinner, Sainty, but I eat my own garnishes, dammit! Open saintlouise's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 "Die muthafuckas die muthafuckas" I really like the yellow truck on the bottom of Weet's page. Open weetabix's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 Procrastination is like masturbation, they both feel great until you realize you’re just fucking yourself. El Critico Fuego likes the penis-talk. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 Come April 25 there will be a horrendously embarrassed man yelling at me for doing such an outrageous thing to him. Marn can out-wang anyone, apparently. Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 I have a lot of built-up animosity towards glitter. When one works with little girls on a regular basis, it's something that's bound to happen. I love the glitter, personally. It's what my hotpants are made out of. Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 She grabbed the lotion and squirted a patch into her hand. She rubbed it into her palm very slowly and then looked at me with that innocent smile. jonny has a dirty mind. Open tvzero's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 Screechy voice... looks like a witch... looks like she's made of plastic... scary, people. Flat-out, plain old Scary. Jeez, what a pretentious asshole! Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Sunday, March 2, 2003 Bonus: my new dentist is not afraid to let the Novocain f-l-o-w. I asked for more, I was giving more! That’s good pain management! If A-F updates any less, I'm gonna start calling her "Jeffy". Just kidding A-F! You know you hold the key to my monkeylove. Yeah, Jeffy, you too. Open annfrank's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 They haven't taken notice of the spousal unit's wangitude augmentation. Little Known Fact: Marn's job and my job are very similar. No, you can't know what they are. The sheep don't like public attention. Open marn's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 Apparently, the Powers That Be have decided that life was just too calm and OK, so let's fuck with her a bit. Dear Molly, if you need any help or something (someone to gripe to?), just let me know. Monkeylove, yo. Open mollyx's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 The muzak had even taken on a rather specific “Bow chicka BOW BOW” tone and for a brief moment, I had a mental image of a hot pizza delivery boy about to knock on the door of the examining room. Weet and I suffer from the same Throat Of Death. I haven't had it since August. Open weetabix's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 Yesterday was spawned from the loins of Satan himself. I had the worst day possible. In this episode, El Critico learns that good friends are valuable commodities. I hope he never finds those photos of me. Open thecritic's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 It makes for a much better experience knowing that I'm biting the head off of an elf named Fast Eddie. I love Molly because Molly gave me the term "duckhumping", which is funny, because it involves ducks humping other ducks and/or chickens. Open mollyx's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 Our office is moving in 2 weeks. I'm surrounded by boxes. They're moving the fridge today (bastards!). They take the microwave next week. I was supposed to have lunch with M today. She used "a meeting" as an excuse to cancel, so I peed in her lunchbox. Open msm's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 I always thought Mr.Rogers would have been better if he left his old crappy neighborhood and got a sweet little apartment on Sesame Street with a little muppet for a roommate. Little Known Fact: Mangus looks JUST like someone I hung out with when I was 12. Open mangus's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 Eve picks up the apple. She squeezes it. It is hard. She smells it. It smells like apples, not that Eve would know what an 'apple' is. She rubs it on her body, but no lather is produced. Sometimes, I'm a little afraid of Leroy. But in a good way. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 this is a man who can do a tax return in his head. my mother just fixed the plumbing in her kitchen, but ask them to do anything with something electronic and suddenly i’m dealing with the idiot children of rain man and j-lo. I miss jonny's broken finger. Especially at night. Open tvzero's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 It's not just that it's not funny at ALL, it actually forms some sort of humor vacuum. It's like chewing on tinfoil. Or listening to Phish. She sent me beer in the mail, and therefore, I have to name my first-born child after her. Open sundry's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 I have been abducted by the race of aliens that Celine Dion belongs to, and they've opened me up and put a violent mini-Celine into my stomach. This Joey fellow is such a opinionated bitch. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Friday, February 28, 2003 The inner-most circle of Me contains room for me and saucy man-toys , future boyfriends, husbands, cowboys, naked sparkly box dancers, cheese and the cat. In the opinion of this drunken bartender, one of the funniest graphics in the History of the Internet is in this entry. But then, what do I know? Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 I would like to thank each and every one of you for the wangitude. Be sure to see The Quest For Wangitude! Open marn's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 Update: Nearly two months after the fall, there’s still a large, deformed-looking lump on my left shin. I’m so sexy. Open jamiestar's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 Where are the invisible penises? Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 Mr. Rogers died. This makes me really sad. This makes a bunch of people really sad. We're all sad together. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 Proof that I am raising the bar of dorkiness to a whole new level: Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 I had a small goal in life that I never really vocalized to anyone. I wanted to get a hug from Mister Rogers. Open weetabix's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 "Waiting To Exhale" Open msm's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 ”Bubbles 1 to Dirty Diana. Come in Dirty Diana.” Open discothekid's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 I know a lot of facts about eating brains. Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 The feeling of being that alone can be one that almost stops your heart, shallows your breathing, makes you want to whisper in the presence of no one. Open saint-louise's page in a new window Thursday, February 27, 2003 Now that I look back on it, I feel as if I really didn't make note of how cool it was to be standing in my Tom Petty-esque kitchen with the likes of Fairbanks and Newman. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 I want to make the man I love Google's Mr. Wangitude. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 "Please do not eat Juicy Fruits" it says and I think, "Who the fuck eats this stuff? Yeah it smells good, but come on now. Are people seriously that stupid?" Open rudey's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 I don't care. I have heard enough Pink Floyd to last me many lifetimes. Open mollyx's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 Pay no attention to that whimpering sound you hear in the background. The spousal unit eventually cries himself to sleep. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 I’m glad that now I find normalcy not only a relative concept but also as appealing as mutant genital warts or perhaps getting a do-it-yourself penisectomy. Open tvzero's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 "Mangus Moons Miami" "MANGUS in 'Battlestar Orgasmica" "Dude, where's my dildo: starring MANGUS!" "MANGUS: BeverlyHills 9021-HO!" Open mangus's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 I looked over my left shoulder and found myself staring at a fine gaping example of Giant ButtCrack. Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 And I remember thinking that it was ridiculous for the United States to declare that no one else could have bombs but us, so no wonder the rest of the countries all look at us and shake their heads. Open weetabix's page in a new window Wednesday, February 26, 2003 “Local Radio Personality Dies Of Cock Ring Poisoning.” Open jamiestar's page in a new window Tuesday, February 25, 2003 I’d feel sorry for the dude, if he wasn’t the prettiest damn crier I ever saw in my life! And he’s a guy! Open thecritic's page in a new window Tuesday, February 25, 2003 Um, I haven't exactly done anything life changing yet today. Unless you count forgetting to flush the toilet and later surprising myself with my own chartreuse, B-vitamin urine. Open skim's page in a new window Tuesday, February 25, 2003 ...and you find yourself thinking about the birth of stars and wonder it there is such a thing as star afterbirth and maybe we're all just bits of star afterbirth walking around and what a cool thing that is. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Tuesday, February 25, 2003 I blame working out and shovelling snow for this pain filled debacle. Open msm's page in a new window Tuesday, February 25, 2003 I am sharing the computer chair with two cats. This is not cute, so shut up. Half my ass is asleep and one of them is farting. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, February 25, 2003 No one makes Joey wait for food, you hear me? No one!!! Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 What if everyone I care about is doomed to die from cancer? STOP READING THIS! YOU COULD BE NEXT! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN! I’m the King Midas Of Tumorville. Open jamiestar's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 “I’m gonna freak that bitch like I’m tryin’ to have a baby!” Open discothekid's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 This is humiliating. Tomorrow, I'm going to go out and do something life-changing. Open skim's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 I just got ducked for the second time a few days ago which means that I am about a month away from another ducking. Open marn's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 Um. Ok, let's just say my body decided to eject ballast from both ends. Open sundry's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 When it reached my grandma she needed a little help remembering the rules, and when told she needed to flick it she shouted, disgusted, "I ain't lickin' nobody!" Open rudey's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 Last night we all decided to make a group trip out to see Old School. I just wanted to get out of the room and have an excuse to eat a tub of gummy bears. Open thecritic's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 OK, I'm not avoiding eye contact with you to the point where I've been staring at the same fleck of ash for twenty minutes because I'm SHY. I'm avoiding eye contact because you fucking scare me, bubba. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 You know, should a Scientologist come knockin’ I am ripe for the picking. Open annfrank's page in a new window Monday, February 24, 2003 a kick here, an elbow there. i will likely be brought up on battery charges when i get married. Open tvzero's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 Open msm's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 The 80’s Rock Band Great White Are Harboring Weapons Of Mass Destruction! Open discothekid's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 "Um, is 'farty' a word?" Open skim's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 Think of all the more TeeVee I'll get to watch in a drunken stupor! Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 Open weetabix's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 Mangus yawns, scratches his nose again, and goes back to trying to choke himself on paper clips. Open mangus's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 Being the outspoken little basket case that I am, I’m halfway tempted to call Moe’s mom and bitch her out. Open thecritic's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 Do you know how unnerving it is to open your eyes and have a small, black creature staring vulture-like at you? Open marn's page in a new window Sunday, February 23, 2003 You can now "Syndicate" 12% by using our new RSS NewsFeed! This brings 12% updates directly to your desktop through a small piece of "newsfeed" software available through sites such as FeedReader or Headline News! (Both are free!) 12% on your desktop! Imagine the unfettered MonkeyLove! IF THIS CONFUSES YOU, AS IT DID THE 12% MONKEYS, WE WILL HELP YOU SET THIS UP! LEAVE A MESSAGE ON THE GUESTBOOK (ON LEFT) OR EMAIL US AND WE'LL HOOK YOU UP! Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!