AdWhore AnnFrank BienSoul CuppaJoe DiscoTheKid FadeIn Halee JamieStar JWalker LadeeLeroy LeeboZeebo Mangus Marn MollyX Ms-M Rudey Saint-Louise Skim Sundry TheCritic TVZero Weetabix

Know when 12% Updates! DLand/LJ/NewsFeed Site Awards: Disco, Rudey, Marn & St.Louise! Entry Awards: Marn & Weetabix! Go, ROCK the VOTE! More Buttons! 12% BeerHall Of Fame 12% Buttons! FreeBeerLovers Archives FAQs 12% BeerGarden: A Forum Of MonkeyLove Best Writing? Disco or Rudey? Best Overall? Marn or Louise? Are the BeerMates starting with Diarist.Net in their quest for world domination? Talk Amongst Yourselves! My Hebrew is limited to drinking toasts, a song about shaloming children and havin' another nagila/tequila. Open skim's page in a new window Saturday, May 31, 2003 Remember how I was all "I want adventure" yesterday? I, um, went on Ebay and bought another sword, a dagger, a jackknife, some throwing knives, and some mace. Open jwalker's page in a new window Saturday, May 31, 2003 it’s about goddamn time I got money the old fashioned way – whoring myself out. And by that I mean getting paid to write. Open tvzero's page in a new window Saturday, May 31, 2003 I am just guessing he doesn’t really feel the need to shove bills dangerously close to any be-thonged orifice to ensure a good time. Open annfrank's page in a new window Saturday, May 31, 2003 Oh yeah, I'm packing meat. I've got a big, juicy Alberta t-bone sitting right there in my glove compartment. Open marn's page in a new window Friday, May 30, 2003 Bedridden and grumpy. Back in spasm mode, kidneys acting as tempermental gateway between urinary freedom and complete pain. Open biensoul's page in a new window Friday, May 30, 2003 Today has been a flurry of packing. I feel like my room is an island in the South Pacific and France is testing nuclear weapons on it - fuckers. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Friday, May 30, 2003 You haven’t lived until you heard a flamboyantly homosexual man say, “Let’s whip through this anal psychosexual phase.” He also kept using the word “abreast” so much I thought he was trying to order KFC. Open thecritic's page in a new window Friday, May 30, 2003 He's not what I would call hot, and yet...his lips...I want to ride them like a circus pony at a child's over-priced birthday party. Open mangus's page in a new window Friday, May 30, 2003 Well, in the movies I see people kissing under the moon... I guess that's what I should do, too." Open rudey's page in a new window Friday, May 30, 2003 He was being sweet about it saying that "most hotels in Vegas come with two beds, so we should be okay, and if not maybe I can get you drunk enough to snuggle into one with me." Open halee's page in a new window Friday, May 30, 2003 I got to drywall, sheetrock, paint and even drill concrete. It was so manly that I had to get my chest waxed after I got back. Open skim's page in a new window Friday, May 30, 2003 "Do men, like, go see a nut doctor?" Open skim's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 I mean, I have no real problem with being 30, but I sort of feel like I only have another good 10 years or so left! Not that everything is crap after 40. Open jwalker's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 Nothing like a good disease to occupy the mind, I always say. Open marn's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 it doesn't help that the world is fucking COVERED in ketchup. what is wrong with people? Open adwhore's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 In some ways, she didn’t die yesterday but rather for five months has been going away word by word, smile by smile, memory by memory. Open weetabix's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 The second half pot was brewed in the spirit of tasty goodness, and, of course, my genetic impulse to overdo everything, yet it has only resulted in way too much peeing. Open fadein's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 I was out late last night, but all of you know that I NEVER call out for a hangover. I really don't. I go to school and stick it out, knowing full well that I put myself in the position of being miserable. Open biensoul's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 Unfortunately, I did not retain my title as bowling champion of the family, I just haven't figure out my new bowling shoes yet. Open halee's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 I was voted to become the next pope because eating my enchiladas made people see god...and I was wisked off to Rome and laiden in jewels and fine robes and had hot cowboys in sparkly pants waiting me hand and foot. Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 He physically and verbally assaulted the copy machine because it was going to too slow. No joke. Remind me to never have sex with him, OK? Open mollyx's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 Open mangus's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 You speak so intelligently! If you knew more about hockey I might eat a dinner with you - very nice man - educated. But no hockey, I'm so sorry. This is Canada, you must know hockey." Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 Listen, if you're in such spectacular shape you can JOG up a fucking mountain, then go use your powers to fight crime or something, and don't make us mere mortals feel like puny weaklings, goddammit. Open sundry's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 In the Royal Republic of Canadia they have just recently discovered the Horseless Carriage, or, as they have dubbed it, the Funtastic Driveulator. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 My aunt bought me this big can of mace...usually used on wild animals like bears and stuff, but she’s like use it anyway. Open thecritic's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 "Let's dress up like flamboyant homosexuals and dance around all choreographed-like making big letters with our arms at a wedding!" Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Thursday, May 29, 2003 Wait. Listen to that word: "gestation." Sounds like it's describing some roiling, gelatinous, gurgling mass of lard, right? Okay, then. You're with me on this one. Open saintlouise's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 Now, here's a bizarre phenomenon - I don't know if this is true for all guys or just me (probably just me) - excessive turbulence? Boner. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 This, THIS is why I am his love slave. Open marn's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 This morning I discovered that there is another stray Mexican lurking about in my basement. I like stray Mexicans but I’ve learned that you can’t offer them a drink or anything because the next thing you know your house will get infested with them. Open discothekid's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 You are way too awesome to be have been sitting on the sidelines for as long as you have. Who cares if this might not happen exactly like you want it too? Open biensoul's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 Braugh! Braugh. Weirdness is all about! Surreal surroundings cloud your judgement. What is this. normalcy? NO! No! It is not! It's strange. So very very strange. Open ladeeleroy's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 Open jwalker's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 Yes, 364 days from now she won't be able to walk from all the alcohol we're going to dump down her legal throat, but that's what big sisters are for, right? Open biensoul's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 I'm so in love with my new television that I can hardly keep myself from humping it's sleek black casing! Open msm's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 Of course, they all thought I was faking so that I could match Wendy, but I showed ‘em – I failed that eye exam with precision and accuracy. Open jamiestar's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 "I'm the King of the World! I even have a crap-catcher!" Open cuppajoe's page in a new window Wednesday, May 28, 2003 It’s proof, right there, that Satan is a stockholder in McDonald’s. Because only sin could taste that good. Open weetabix's page in a new window Tuesday, May 27, 2003 "Why oh WHY isn't Jess a lesbian?! DAMN!" Open jwalker's page in a new window Tuesday, May 27, 2003 Genius no? I think I have too many brain cells for my own good. I’m just so smart maybe I’ll start huffing paint to bring me down a couple of notches. Open thecritic's page in a new window Tuesday, May 27, 2003 Is this some sort of macho worm thing? Open marn's page in a new window Tuesday, May 27, 2003 I have a feeling that I'm going to ramble about dumb emotions. I'll understand if you want to go bake pies or masturbate or something. Open mollyx's page in a new window Tuesday, May 27, 2003 He needs a girl that knows Kung-Fu, though. Those Kung-Fu people can do all kinds of bendy moves. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 I really think we need to do is pay a visit to the Oracle down at the Circle-K. She has amazing cognitive slurpees. Open leebozeebo's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 I had it all worked out--I would project the aura of being a fitness goddess without, you know, doing anything that involved actual fitness. Open marn's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 I thought about begging my friend or my roommate to go to the store for me, but I would likely be punched by either one of them if I tried to wake them up, and rightfully so. Open tvzero's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 I know, I know. This is NOT a healthy relationship, but what can I say? Love does not always make sense. Open marn's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 He was handcuffed and swaying and the police were checking his pupils. I'll bet you ten dollars that he will be on a future episode of COPS. I mean, every other damn episode takes place in Florida. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 we were inside in the air conditioning at some fancy box seats with our own TV, waitress, and personal bet-taker girl. It was swank, I don't know how they let me in there. Open halee's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 It seems there's an entire flock of high school students going to Buffalo and, if I remember correctly, God really fucking hates high school students. Open mollyx's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 I was drawing MollyX in a sassy dress, holding a basket...feeding ducks....except the ducks that I drew looked like wild-eyed children who had become horribly deformed because their playgrounds had been built on top of oozing radioactive-goo dumping grounds. Open mangus's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 Me: Oh yeah, just like that. That is so fucking hot. Him: You are. *cue gratuitous sex scene* Open biensoul's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 He's your typical mid-20's guy with all the best intentions but without a clue to hold onto. If you gave him one, he'd probably try to roll it and smoke it. Open skim's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 I suspect that I could very easily become a drug addict because I just can’t see a thing wrong with something that gives me lovely dark dreamy relaxed sleep for fourteen hours straight, even in defiance of the human earthquake that sleeps next to me. Open weetabix's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 Diaryland has spoiled me into thinking that I am the best writer ever and my ideas are always good; it's easy to think so when one is the captain of the ship, so to speak. Open biensoul's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 i'm a sucker for good cowbell action. Open adwhore's page in a new window Monday, May 26, 2003 Click Here for the 12% Archives, You Sweet-Lookin' MonkeyLover! 12% BeerHall of Fame Former BeerMates Who Went Above & Beyond The Call Of Duty And Made The Ultimate Sacrifice So We Could Practice MonkeyLoving And Not Be Shunned By Society. All Hail The BeerHall Of Famers! AnnieWaits Fu-Fu GoFigure Jeffy KellyK Blogroll 12%! MonkeyLovers Who Have BlogRolled 12%: 12% FAQs! What in the good name of Jesse "The Body" Ventura is this 12% Beer thing? 12% Beer is an experiment to see if funky writing, and a sickening love of monkeys, when distilled and concentrated into one website, can conquer the hearts and souls of the population of the Earth. This will mainly be accomplished by quoting and linking entertaining diaries on Diaryland. Well, who gets to pick what diaries are quoted on 12% Beer? And who quotes them? And who decides what exactly is quoted? And why are my socks always a little damp? I do all that crap. Yes, even the socks thing. All I'm gonna tell you is that ain't apple juice on your socks... What are "BeerMates", and how much does it cost to get one of them to entertain at my child's birthday party? The BeerMates are an elite crew of supernaturally gifted crimefighters who just happen to keep online diaries/journals/evidence logs on the internet. They became BeerMates when they decided to use their forces for evil, and when I decided that their writing was funny, escapist, and quite possibly written while doing hard drugs. Every time they update their pages, 12% updates too. Their birthday party prices range from a few chocolate chip cookies to some good ol' fashioned sexin'. You'll have to email the individual you are interested in to get their particular rates. If I want an easy-to-conjugate superfunky 12% Beer Button to stick on my webpage to come back and see more of all the great monkeylovin' splendiforousness of this page, what do I do? Go Here and grab some HTML code for your page. Why is it called "12% Beer"? It's called that because once apon a time, some diarist people believed that all Canadian Beer was 12% alcohol. It's really 10%, everyone knows that! We Love "Andy The Randy"s Coolest Website On Earth!